


hi welcome to iCarly

by missmedda



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Group chat, M/M, Mutual Pining, Texting, i'm gonna get agatha a girlfriend sooner or later, simon makes a lot of typos, they're all seniors in high school, this is another group chat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-01-05 21:41:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12197940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmedda/pseuds/missmedda
Summary: annoyance:i think... i’m having a midlife crisissdjejdjedward cullen™:you’re 18?annoyance:i could die at 36





	1. twilight is gay culture

**Author's Note:**

> listen..... i just like group chats and carry on so that’s why this is here, don’t expect too Much tho i can’t write for shit lmao also the twilight remake convo 100% happened between my friends and idk anything abt twilight but baz would deffo b edward 
> 
> key:  
> annoyance- simon  
> edward cullen™- baz  
> mythic bitch- agatha  
> the voice of reason- penny

_  
_

_[simon snow added penny bunce, baz pitch, and agatha wellbelove to “ **homie-sexuals** ”]_ 

 

 **agatha:** before you even state why you made this i just want you to know my answer is no 

 **simon:** POWER OF FRIENDSHIP STRENGTHSN IN GROUPVHSYS SCIENCERS SAY

 **baz:** sciencers

 **simon:** SCIENCE PEOPE

 **simon:** SCIENTISTS

 **penny:** ....... moving on 

 **baz** : i can't believe i got to witness that whole mess wow i can die happily now 

 **simon:** can u even die

 **baz:** what the fuck 

 **simon:** emos  _never_ die!!!!!!!!!!! u FOOL

 **agatha:** U FOOL

 **baz:** IM NOT EMO WHAT THE FUCK 

 **simon:** ok ur an emo in denial then :/

 **agatha:** i read that and almost dropped my garlic bread thank u

 **simon:** stop!!!!!!!! i almost droped my croissant

 **baz:** rip vine

 **penny:** ANYWAYS why the name si

 **simon:** thank u for asking u see we’re all Gay and friends so. homie-sexual 

 **baz:** you rly thought this pun out huh

 **simon:** ya its a good one nd u KNO its a good pun dont lie 2 urself

_[baz changed simon’s name to ‘annoyance’]_

**annoyance:** wtf ia m a Delight

 _[annoyance changed baz’s name to ‘edward cullen™’]_  

 **edward cullen™:** this is tacky and i hate you 

_[annoyance changed agatha’s name to ‘mythic bitch’]_

**mythic bitch:** @MINOS WHY CANT WE PUT ON HS HEATHERS EVEN IF THE SCRIPT IS .... DIFFERENT

_[annoyance changed penny's name to 'the voice of reason']_

**the voice of reason:** you'd make a great heather chandler tbh

 **mythic bitch:** i know!!!!! but instead he wants to do the 25th annual putnam county spelling bee ://

 **the voice of reason:** omg u should audition for olive for the soul purpose of singing the ily song

 **annoyance:** baz how u hurt me :(

 **mythic bitch:** TRUE PENNY

 **edward cullen™:** i despise all of you

 **annoyance:** LIES U LOVE US  

 **the voice of reason:** alsoall of these names are so fitting with our personalities

 **edward cullen™:** how the hell am i like edward fucking cullen????

 **annoyance:** ur sad and ur skin is sparkly in the sun 

 **mythic bitch:** thats gay

 **annoyance:** theyre jsut facts 

 **the voice of reason:** I CANT BELIEVE STEPHANIE MEYERS NEVER FINISHED MIDNIGHT SUN

 **annoyance:** I READ THE UNFINISHED PDF ONLINE AND ITS SO SADDNJDBJD 

 **the voice of reason:**  I WANT TO READ IT DID U JUST GOOGLE IT

 **annoyance:** YA 

 **edward cullen™:** enough abt twilight please im gay i don't get this

 **the voice of reason:** twilight is gay culture basilton

 **mythic bitch:** hmmmm no i dont think you're right on that one pen

 **annoyance:** we should all refilm twilight omg!!!

 **edward cullen™:** absolutely not.

 **mythic bitch:** ok i think its time we all just. Stop.

 **annoyance:**  but hear me out... baz is obvi edward, aggie is rosalie, and penny is esme

 **the voice of reason:** who is bella?

 **mythic bitch:** simon who else

 **edward cullen:** NO

 **annoyance:** EXUCS E ME ????/???//?

 **annoyance:** IMDNUJS

 **annoyance:** NOPEOJEIEND WHY WOULDBU EVES SUGGESR THT >;?????

 **the voice of reason:** simons too happy and bright to be bella but the chemistry is most definitely there

 **edward cullen™** : THE ONLY CHEMISTRY SNOW AND I HAVE HAD WAS 5TH HOUR SOPHOMORE YEAR 

 **the voice of reason:** sounds fake but okay

 **annoyance:** ENOUGH!!!

_[annoyance left the group]_

**mythic bitch:** white guy blinking.gif 


	2. 0.2 seconds of Gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz is gay and boybands are discussed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally just finished watching newsies live and decided to project my emotions abt ben cook onto simon !
> 
> also the horizontal lines signify priv chats! the names for those chats are in the key whoooooo boy have fun 
> 
> key:  
> annoyance - simon  
> edward cullen™/posh spice - baz  
> mythic bitch + lesbian from next door/ baby spice - agatha  
> the voice of reason - penny

_[the voice of reason added annoyance to homie-sexuals]_

 

 **mythic bitch:**  hi welcome to iCarly

 **annoyance:** i kust watched newsies snd

 **annoyance:** i ???? lvoe ben cook w all my being

 **the voice of reason:** how can you even see him in the stagedork boot???

 **annoyance:** well first of all i didnt watch a boot and secondly u just have 2 look rlu hard

 **the voice of reason:** did you watch 92 newsies then?

 **annoyance:** no but gdi i wihs i did just 2 see spot 

 **annoyance:** i watched newsies live on netflix lmao

 **annoyance:** iw ont even like to u all i cried each time ben did anything bc??? hes so TaleNTeD

 **mythic bitch:** can y'all believe we saw that like 7ish months ago in theaters 

 **mythic bitch:** oh that reminds me

_[mythic bitch changed their name to 'lesbian from next door']_

**lesbian from next door:** get it bc im a lesbian and falsettos

 **edward cullen™:** amazing beautiful outstanding breathtaking

 **lesbian from next door:** fuck u edgelord

 **annoyance:** what a grimm nickname 4 him aggie

 **the voice of reason:** oh my god

 **edward cullen™:** you see there is one thing we will not be doing this evening and it happens to be exactly that

 **lesbian from next door:** how can we pitch the idea of good puns to you to change your mind

_[edward cullen™ left homie-sexuals]_

_[annoyance added edward cullen™ to homie-sexuals]_

**edward cullen™:** what did i do to deserve this i'm an amazing person

 **annoyance:** ur a pretty face but i think the amazing persom is a stretch-ish

 **edward cullen™:** hold the Fuck up

* * *

**posh spice:** AGATHA

 **baby spice:** I SAW

 **posh spice:** HOW THE FUCK DO I RESPOND 

 **posh spice:** OH MY GDO IMGAY  

 **baby spice:** JUST UH BE YOURSELF

 **posh spice:** THAT IS THR WORST ADVICE YOU HAVE EVER GIEVN ME 

 **baby spice:** LETS STOP TYPING IN CAPS ITS STRESSFUL TO THE BABY

 **posh spice:** what fucking baby

 **baby spice:** u

 **baby spice:** ur more of a gayby tho aka a gay baby who is dying over the boy who u have had a crush on since what feels like BIRTH callin u pretty

 **posh spice:** .......

 **posh spice:** im a gayby oh nooooooooooooooooo

 **baby spice:** i think u should go into the gc before he starts to freak out to penny 

 **posh spice:** WHAT!! DO!! I!! SAY!!

 **baby spice:** FLIRT????? OH YM GOD

* * *

**annoyance:** ok,,,

 **edward cullen™:** aw you think i'm pretty!

 **annoyance:** shutdheuheu UUP

 **edward cullen™:** no i know its probably my sparkly skin in the sun right ;)

 **annoyance:** LEAFBNME ALLONE

 **edward cullen™:** no this is fun

 **lesbian from next door** : go flirt somewhere else we're here to be Serious

 **the voice of reason:** says the lesbian from next door

 **lesbian from next door:**  tragically not followed by her lover who's a lesbian from next door too

 **the voice of reason:** on the plus side theres no nouvelle bar mitzvah cuisine 

 **lesbian from next door:** i miss faslettos wtf the fuck

 **the voice of reason:** ME TOO 

 **the voice of reason:**  omg i was listening to big time rush while doing the apush hw and

_[the voice of reason changed the group name to 'bring btr back']_

**annoyance:** the jonas brothers were better

 **edward cullen™:**  thats cool and all but the real OGs were the naked brothers band

 **lesbian from next door:**  one direction changed the game

 **the voice of reason:** rememeber that remix of what makes you beautiful

 **annoyance:** THE LAUGHIGN ONE

 **the voice of reason:** NFJFJDFNJD [YES](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evwwWWYD0ZA)

 **edward cullen™:** hey siri how do i unhear something

 **the voice of reason:** THAT IS A MASTERPIECE

 **lesbian from next door:** HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HAH HA HA HAHAHAHA

 **annoyance:** somneone pls request that at hoco or promndjdsndjndf

 **edward cullen™:** aggie you have to do it

 **lesbian from next door:** NODFUFHDJFBHJ

 **the voice of reason:** AGGIE PLEASE

 **annoyance:** ITS FOR THE GREATER GOOD

 **lesbian from next door:** FINENEJWNJ ILL DO IT BUT IDK IF THEY'LL PLAY IT

 **annoyance:** THEY GOTTA PLAY IT ITS A BOP FHDJFHDJH

 **edward cullen™:** wow i cant wait for us to ruin everyone elses hoco with this song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yall mind if i...s hitpost ???? no but rly i dont have a plot for this fic sooooo if theres anything you want them to do.... or talk about (i mainly write convos abt whats in my head atm Yike) u can just lmk !!
> 
> anyways its 12:39am and i wrote this 2 avoid hw so im going to bed now 
> 
> p.s. if u havent seen newsies or falsettos pls watch them they are both sooo good


	3. u look like chicken little

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Italian dressing mishaps and vines?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this while listening to come on eileen and take on me 
> 
> key:  
> annoyance/idiot sandwich - simon  
> edward cullen™ - baz  
> lesbian from next door - agatha  
> the voice of reason/verified mess - penny

**idiot sandwich:** hello penny im dropping out

 **verified mess:**  we graduate in 8 months

 **idiot sandwich:** nvm im not dropping out 

 **verified mess :** good talk

* * *

**edward cullen™:**   <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=du-TY1GUFGk>

**lesbian from next door:** i hate simon and i hate u 

 **annoyance:** MOOD BAZ n what tf did i do

 **lesbian from next door:** come on eileen has been stuck in my head all day u dick

 **annoyance:** ur welcome :-)

 **lesbian from next door:** thats. thats not what i said

 **edward cullen™:** simon reminds me of the peanut butter baby vine

 **the voice of reason:** BAZ

 **annoyance:** i mean,, like u ARENT wrong

 **the voice of reason:** AGATHA AND SIMON R THE "HEY IM LESBIAN" "I THOUGHT U WERE AMERICAN" VINE

 **edward cullen™:** HDDNJFDNFJD 

 **annoyance:** baz is that vine thats like "i lvoe workin here its a lot of laughs FUCK OFF JANET IM NOT GOING TO UR BBY SHOWER"

 **edward cullen™:** you got me there

 **lesbian from next door:** SNDBHSJD STOP SYAING I LOOK LIKE CHICKEN LITTLE HES DUMB AND A COWARD

 **annoyance:** AND I AM N O T A COWARD

 **edward cullen™:** hey simon

 **annoyance:** yes

 **edward cullen™:** u look like chicken little 

 **annoyance:** WHARTTB THE FUCK

 **the voice of reason:** HDFEUDEJ I CANT BELIEVE U FELL FOR THAT

 **annoyance:** penny is the vine thts like " i have the power of god and anime on my sidE"

 **lesbian from next door:** oh my GOD

 **the voice of reason:** MY NAME IS MICHAEL WITH A B AND IVE BEEN AFRAID OF INSECTS MY WHOLE LIFE

 **edward cullen™:** STOP STOP STOP

 **edward cullen™:** WHERES THE B

 **the voice of reason:** THEREWS A BEE.? >?:?:>?:l:

 **annoyance:** wow i miss vine

 **the voice of reason:** im eating a salad w italian dressing @simon

 **annoyance:** SNIODNIDI SOTP 

 **edward cullen™:** i'll still never get over how you spilled the whole container of dressing on your WHOLE thigh

 **annoyance:** I CDOUJILT GET THE TOP OFF LEAVE ME AKINE

 **lesbian from next door:** im still pissed i missed that day

 **annoyance:** i smelled like italian dressing 4 the rest of theday what a tragedy

 **the voice of reason:** the i smell like beef vine but its simon and instead of beef its salad dressing

 **annoyance:** DELETEEWHDJWH 

 **lesbian from next door:** PENNY I LOVE YOU

 **the voice of reason:** I LOVE U TOO

 **annoyance:** are any of u busy rn

 **the voice of reason:** i'm about to start homework so yes

 **edward cullen™:** i'm not

 **annoyance:** GREAT do u want 2 go to wendys

 **lesbian from next door** : im abt 2 take the greatest nap rn

 **edward cullen™:** uh no i don't really want to go to wendys

 **annoyance:** PLSPSLP IM CRAVING WENDYS

 **edward cullen™:** oh no !

 **annoyance:** baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaz

 **edward cullen™:** jfc if i say yes will you shut up

 **annoyance:** YES

 **edward cullen™:** unlikely but i'll take the chance

 **the voice of reason:** can u guys pick me up a frosty and some fries pls ill pay u back

 **annoyance:** i got u 

 **the voice of reason:** thank u!!!!

 **lesbian from next door:** baz pls get me chicken nuggets?????

 **edward cullen™:** no what the fuck

 **annoyance:**   yw pen!!!! nd he will aggie

 **edward cullen™:** no i won't

 **annoyance:** yes u will

 **edward cullen™:** fine 

 **lesbian from next door:** w e a k 

 **edward cullen™:** shut up and simon are you ready 

 **annoyance:**  o heck ya

 **edward cullen™:** ok i'm leaving now then

 **annoyance:** i owe u my life

 **edward cullen™:** you can keep it bc from what i've seen of it its not that impressive 

**lesbian from next door:** KILLED BY HIS OWN KIND

 **annoyance:** wow ok that was RUDE

 **the voice of reason:** simon snow found dead in miami :oooo 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the italian dressing thing actually happened to me last year during lunch and tbh it was the WORST experience ever and i now i cant eat it anymore or stand the smell of it.. good times good times!!
> 
> also i have half of ch4 written but the second half got deleted so itll be up sometime.. soon


	4. 2013 one direction was god tier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They plan a movie night and Simon knows nothing about One Direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what’s up it’s been a whole month since i updated this 
> 
> i’m rly sorry it took me so long to update :/ i had half a chapter written after my last update but i didn’t like it so i deleted it and idk what happened i guess i lost inspiration and school has been kickin my ass (junior year is HELL jfc) 
> 
> anyways i hope y’all like this bc the second half got deleted like 4 times and i had to keep rewriting it 
> 
> key:  
> the voice of reason - penny  
> lesbian from next door/a goddess? - agatha  
> edward cullen™ - baz  
> annoyance/a special boy - simon

**annoyance:** did u know that male dolphins have retractable penises

 **edward cullen™:** good afternoon to everyone but simon

 **annoyance:** jus here 2 spread some factsss

 **the voice of reason:** i'm ready to sleep for the night

 **edward cullen™:** its 3:45pm???

 **the voice of reason:** whats your point

 **edward cullen™:** ok you do you

 **the voice of reason:** thank u

 **annoyance:** ITS HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **lesbian from next door:** i can smell christmas....

 **annoyance:** halloween isnt even over aggie pls

 **lesbian from next door:** the soft melody of jingle bells can be faintly heard in the distance....

 **edward cullen™:** i'd say you're forgetting a whole ass holiday but thanksgiving is trash

 **lesbian from next door:** christmas starts on november 1st

 **annoyance:** no it doesnt

 **the voice of reason:** i fell asleep and yall woke me up

 **the voice of reason:** i thought u guys were talking about something important and yet

 **edward cullen™:** your first mistake was assuming we have ever had a serious conversation in our lives with each other

 **the voice of reason:** ok fair but whats the second mistake

 **edward cullen™:** not silencing your phone

 **the voice of reason:** hm ok fair again

 **annoyance:** can we pls do smth together rn

 **lesbian from next door:** can we have a movie night

 **annoyance:** CAN WE WATCH HALLOWEEN MOVIES

 **edward cullen™:** before ANY of you ask, twilight IS NOT a halloween movie and NO we are NOT watching it

 **lesbian from next door:** ok dad :(

 **edward cullen™:** see this is what were not going to do

 **annoyance:** daddy

 **the voice of reason:** anyways lets have it at mine bc im already in my basement on my couch and im not moving

 **edward cullen™:** ABSOLUTELY NOT SIMON SNOW

 **annoyance:** LMAOSANSJN

 **annoyance:** ok pen!! do u have hot chocolate

 **lesbian from next door:** SIMON IS MY SON I LOVE HIM

 **annoyance:** wow it feels great to know who my mom is finally!

 **the voice of reason:** aw si i wanna hug u now and yes i do

 **edward cullen™:** ok that made me sad

 **annoyance:** just a joke lads

 **lesbian from next door:** I

 **lesbian from next door:** LOVE

 **lesbian from next door:** YOU!!!!!

 **lesbian from next door:** IM GONNA HUG TF OUT OF U WHEN I SEE U

 **annoyance:** djbdjnd ok

* * *

**a goddess?:** hey im sorry if i made you upset w that comment that wasnt my intention at all

 **a goddess?:** and i know you dont like talking about it but i still wanted to apologize for it

 **a special boy:** you didn't its fine

 **a goddess?:** are you sure

 **a special boy:** yessssssss agatha i am Fine djsdn

 **a special boy:** love you!

 **a goddess:** love u too!

* * *

**the voice of reason:** alright so i don't really have any halloween movies but theres netflix?

 **lesbian from next door:** dw pen i have a lot ill bring them

 **the voice of reason:** niiice ok si ask baz if he can bring popcorn, candy, and like 2 blankets??

 **annoyance:** what makes u assume im w baz

 **lesbian from next door:** r we making a blanket fort

 **the voice of reason:** you always are and you sent me a snap like 5 mins ago and you were in his room

 **the voice of reason:** of course we are who would we be if we didn't

 **annoyance:** HWTA ACCUSATION AGAINST ME I AM NOT ALWYS W BAZ

 **lesbian from next door:** u kinda are tho

 **the voice of reason:** THANK YOU AGGIE

 **edward cullen™:** simon told me to tell you guys that you're wrong about whatever you're talking about

 **edward cullen™:** lmao actually they're sort of right but

 **annoyance:** whose side r u on traitor

 **edward cullen™:** i am Not getting into this argument

 **edward cullen™:** what type of candy do you guys want?

 **lesbian from next door:** just admit u spend a lot of time w baz stop bein a FOOL

 **annoyance:** wht if thats all i kno how 2 b

 **the voice of reason:** caramel apple suckers !!

 **edward cullen™:** gotcha aggie what do you want

 **lesbian from next door:** happiness and a will to live

 **edward cullen™:** yeah i got like 12 dollars

 **lesbian from next door:** :/ ok guess ill take some sour gummy worms then

 **annoyance:**  COOL onto more important matters

 **annoyance:** baz is makin me listen 2 one direction in his car 

 **the voice of reason:** what album this is important information 

 **annoyance:** idk?????????

 **the voice of reason:** ASK. HIM. 

 **annoyance:** take me home

 **the voice of reason:** 2013 one direction wasnt real they were gods then... anyways what song

 **annoyance:** uhhhh shes not afraid 

 **the voice of reason:** nice one

 **lesbian from next door:** OVER AGAIN STILL MAKES ME CRYDBSJDBSJ

 **annoyance:** i am out of. my element in this convo

 **the voice of reason:** TRULY MADLY DEEPLY AND MAGIC DESERVED MORE RECOGNITION 

 **annoyance:** im tellin baz what yallre sayin n he said "they should've put out a real cover of teenage dirtbag god"

 **lesbian from next door:** HES RIGHT

 **annoyance:** oh i would is playin now

 **the voice of reason:** I CANT COMPETE W UR BOYFRIEND

 **lesbian from next door:** HES GOT 27 TATTOOOOOOOOOOOOS

 **lesbian from next door:** penny im here

 **the voice of reason:** the front door is open!

 **annoyance:** o i think over again is playin

 **annoyance:** antyways check ur snaps n enjoy baz singing his lil heart out 2 1d

 **lesbian from next door:** dhjhdfjdhfdn did u save that pls tell me u did

 **annoyance:** ya 

 **the voice of reason:** is he wearing your sweatshirt simon?? 

 **annoyance:** ya

 **annoyance:** s......hut up

 **lesbian from next door:** *side eye emoji*

 **annoyance:** y did u type it instead of usinf the actual emoji im

 **lesbian from next door:** dont question me have u gotten the candy yet

 **edward cullen™:** we just got to walmart chill 

 **annoyance:** im getting blankets rn 

 **edward cullen™:** what type of candy do you want simon you never said

 **annoyance:** my b can u get me a bag of hershey kisses 

 **edward cullen™:** alright 

 **lesbian from next door:** r u gonna give baz a kiss 

 **annoyance:** LEAG ME ALONEOENENE

 **annoyance:** BAZ OWULDNT EVEN LET ME KSIS HIM 

 **the voice of reason:** i think she meant a hershey kiss 

 **annoyance:** oh

 **annoyance:** LOL BRB GNNA GO DIE 

 **lesbian from next door:** LMAOO

 **edward cullen™:** simon where are you 

 **annoyance:** simon isn’t available right now leave a message after the beep

 **edward cullen™:** i’m checking out would you just come on

 **annoyance:** can’t i die in PEACE gosh i’m comin 

 **edward cullen™:** and you say i’m over dramatic 

 **annoyance:** have u met urself? u invented being over dramatic 

 **lesbian from next door:** remember when baz blocked simon for 3 days and wouldn’t talk to him bc he said that dark chocolate is better than milk chocolate 

 **the voice of reason:** or that time when he lost his favorite sweater and invited us to a funeral for it and halfway through the ‘service’ his sister brought him the sweater because it got put in her closet by mistake 

 **edward cullen™:** now isn’t the time to talk about my flaws as a human being 

 **annoyance:** that very message was over dramatic 

 **edward cullen™:** anyways! we’re on our way now 

 **the voice of reason:** okay i’m gonna start the hot chocolate now 

 **lesbian from next door:** i’ll set the movies up ig 

 **annoyance:** were still listening 2 take me home still but it’s a slow song 

 **lesbian from next door:** summer love, little things or change my mind 

 **annoyance:** gimme a sec 

 **annoyance:** it’s change my mind omg how did u know that

 **lesbian from next door:** i sold my soul to one direction in the summer of 2012 via twitter 

 **annoyance:** thts crazy 

 **annoyance:** i’ve nvr rly listened to them b4 

 **lesbian from next door:** rip they’re life changing 

 **the voice of reason:** how close are y’all 

 **annoyance:** like 2 mins away 

 **annoyance:** o baz asked if we could watch halloween first 

 **lesbian from next door:** sure 

 **annoyance:** coolio 

 **the voice of reason:** coolio

 **lesbian from next door:** coolio 

 **annoyance:** is it bully simon day 

 **lesbian from next door:** no but it is love simon day 

 **the voice of reason:** that’s every day tho 

 **annoyance:** SIGH i guess i love u both too 

 **annoyance:** were here losers

 **lesbian from next door:** LETS GET HALLOWEENY 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i edited this while listening to all of one directions discography 
> 
> i totally forgot to put my tumblr on the other chapters but it’s **luisabeccaria** if you want to come yell @ me abt carry on or anything rly 
> 
> comments are appreciated !!! have a good day


	5. don’t eat a bath bomb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon momentarily ruins his own life, Penny and Agatha have a mishap with Christmas lights, and Baz deserves a vacation after dealing with all of this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i wasn't planning on updating this week but the comments on the last chapter made me rly happy so here's another chapter! 
> 
> key:  
> the voice of reason - penny  
> lesbian from next door/baby spice - agatha  
> annoyance/ramen noodle hair - simon  
> edward cullen™/2006 MCR/posh spice - baz

**2006 MCR:** do you ever think about how weird it is that jay-z said her breasteses were his breakfast? 

 **2006 MCR:** like that's fucked up 

 **2006 MCR:** do straight people think like that? at all times?

 **2006 MCR:** or is it just about boobs? straight guys.. have a lot of explaining to do

 **ramen noodle hair:** what. The fuck

 **2006 MCR:** so you agree its weird

 **ramen noodle hair:** u woje me up at 2:40 am 2 ask me this??? >>?>??

 **2006 MCR:** how did 4 texts wake you up

 **ramen noodle hair:** xcuse u some of us r light sleepers who have their ringers on

 **2006 MCR:** hmm ok anyways do you agree that its weird?

 **ramen noodle hair:** baz what the absolute fuck

 **2006 MCR:** what?

 **2006 MCR:** i'm being serious

 **ramen noodle hair** : yea sure its fucked up ????

 **2006 MCR:** do you think beyonce approved the lyric i mean its on her album so she probably did but did she know how weird it sounds

 **ramen noodle hair:** why am i in love w u ur so dumb

 **ramen noodle hair:** im 2 tire 4 this goodnite

 **2006 MCR** : wait what

 **2006 MCR:** ?????? simon ???????????

 **2006 MCR:** WHAT THE FUCK SNOW

* * *

**posh spice:** AGATHA

 **posh spice:** A G A T H A

 **posh spice:** WELLBELOVE

 **posh spice:** ANSWER MY FACETIME CALLS 

 **posh spice** : HELLO I AM DYING??????

 **posh spice:** A

 **posh spice:** G

 **posh spice:** A

 **baby spice:** SHUT THE FUCVK

 **posh spice:**  oh hello. good morning. or is it good night? i don't know tbh

 **baby spice:** WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK DO YOU WANT THAT I NEEDED TO WAKE UP AT 3:15 AM FOR

 **posh spice:** oh you know.... nothing important JUST THAT SIMON TOLD ME HES IN LOVE WITH ME AND IS?? ASLEEP?? NOW???? FUCK IF I KNOW

 **baby spice:** he did WHAT now

 **posh spice:** WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO

 **baby spice:** WELL FIRST SEND ME SCREENSHOTS

 **posh spice:** _attachment: 2 images_

 **baby spice:** omg now that u mention it it IS weird that he says that

 **posh spice:** right! but BACK TO THE TOPIC

 **baby spice:** RIGHT OK WELL FIRST OFF, I TOLD U SO AND I WAS RIGHT

 **posh spice:** AGATHA PLEASE

 **baby spice:** SORRY SORRY

 **baby spice:** OK WELL HE OBVIOUSLY MEANT IT SIMON WOULDNT SAY THAT AS A JOKE

 **posh spice:** WHAT DO I D O 

 **baby spice:** IF HE'S ASLEEP AND NOT RESPONDING WAIT TILL HE GETS UP?? DUH DONT BE DUMB

 **posh spice:** IM HAVING A GAY PANIC ABOUT THE BOY IVE BEEN IN LOVE WIHT SINCE WE WERE 13 AND YOU CALL ME DUMB

 **baby spice** : DJDBJ GO TO SLEEP AND JUST TALK TO HIM TOMORROW

 **posh spice:** FINE sorry for waking you

 **baby spice:** ITS FINE LOVE U

* * *

**lesbian from next door:** WHO WANTS TO COME HELP ME DECORATE MY FUCKIN HOUSE WITH XMAS SHIT

 **the voice of reason:** what time

 **lesbian from next door:** time doesnt exist

 **the voice of reason:** .....agatha

 **lesbian from next door:** sorry uhhhh how abt in half an hour bc im busy rn

 **the voice of reason:** alright

 **edward cullen™:** good morning i preen for death

 **lesbian from next door:** why

 **edward cullen™:** because life is terrible

 **lesbian from next door:** again, why

 **edward cullen™:** didn't i already tell you last night

 **annoyance:** i accidentally dropped 2 bathbombs in the toilet

 **the voice of reason:** YOU DROPPED TWO BATHBOMBS IN THE TOILET?????????

 **annoyance:** BY ACCIDENT!!!! THE FIZZING NOISE IS SO IRRITSTING IDK WHAT I SHOULD DO

 **edward cullen™:** you should text me back :-)

 **annoyance:** uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh some1 besides baz help me haha

 **the voice of reason:** ...maybe you should text baz back

 **annoyance:** k cool aggie wht do i do

 **annoyance:** if u say what they said ill eat a bathbomb

 **lesbian from next door:** don’t eat a bath bomb

 **annoyance:** ok wht do i do then

 **lesbian from next door:** well for starters youre gonna need to let them dissolve fully and also text baz back

_[annoyance left the group]_

**edward cullen™:** ITS FINE

* * *

**ramen noodle hair:** hello

 **2006 MCR:** hey

 **ramen noodle hair:** soooo how is your day

 **2006 MCR:** are we going to talk about what you said last night

 **ramen noodle hair:** lol 

 **2006 MCR:** is that a yes or?

 **ramen noodle hair:** can you just reject me so i can move on and worry about my fucked up toilet

 **2006 MCR:** why the fuck would i do that

 **ramen noodle hair:** bc i need a workin toilet wtf

 **2006 MCR:** i was asking why you think i would reject you

 **ramen noodle hair:** bc u obvi dont feel the same??? 

 **2006 MCR:** oh my god 

 **2006 MCR:** you are So Stupid

 **ramen noodle hair:** uh ok

 **2006 MCR:** god simon i've been in love with you for years you idiot

 **ramen noodle hair:** nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn simon.exe not workin

 **ramen noodle hair:** HOW WHEN

 **2006 MCR:** i guess i'll answer that in two parts so how? no clue if i'm being honest

 **2006 MCR:** you're a mess and sometimes stupid plus you make awful jokes, but you're still really sweet and caring and fun to be around and insanely attractive even when you talk with your mouthful

 **2006 MCR:** which shouldn't even be cute since its actually disgusting but of course you somehow make it endearing 

 **2006 MCR:** as for when its embarrassing but since we were 13 

 **ramen noodle hair:** oh ymgoid thats like. 5 years

 **2006 MCR:** yeah

 **ramen noodle hair:** WERE U EVER GOING T ELL MW

 **2006 MCR:** to be honest no i didn't really plan on it

 **ramen noodle hair:** WHYBNOT

 **2006 MCR:** um at first it was because you had a crush on agatha and i didn't even know if you were into guys at that point and then i didn't want to risk ruining our friendship by making you uncomfortable so i just vowed on never telling you

 **ramen noodle hair:** NNNNNNNNNNNNJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

 **2006 MCR:** that's just an exaggerated abbreviation of new jersey 

 **ramen noodle hair:** SHUT P IM HTINIKIN

 **ramen noodle hair:** I HAVNT HAD A CRUSH ON U FR THAT LONG ONLU SINCE THE MIDDLE OF LAST YER

 **ramen noodle hair:** OR IT MIGHTV BENE LNGR BUT I OLLY ACKNOWELDGED IT THEN

 **2006 MCR:** well that's nice? 

 **ramen noodle hair:** i cnt beliebe this

 **ramen noodle hair:** my typing ins so bad rn im sorryjind im rly happyn tho

 **2006 MCR:** it's fine i think it's cute

 **2006 MCR:** hard to read but still cute

 **ramen noodle hair:** WAITWAITIWIANIY 

 **2006 MCR:** yes?

 **ramen noodle hair:** DEOS THJIS MAKE US BOYFRIENDS

 **2006 MCR:** that depends on if you want us to be

 **ramen noodle hair:** yes wtf ofc 100% wihtout a doubt

 **2006 MCR:** okay then this does make us boyfriends

 **ramen noodle hair:** ills top typin in caps but !!!

 **2006 MCR:** go fix your lush flooded toilet

 **ramen noodle hair:** SIGH ok 

* * *

**lesbian from next door:** its been pretty quiet 

 **the voice of reason:** do you think baz killed simon

 **lesbian from next door:** no or at least i hope not

 **edward cullen™:** shut up he's alive

 **lesbian from next door:** did u two Talk

_[edward cullen™ added annoyance]_

**edward cullen™:** yeah also don't capitalize the t

 **the voice of reason:** oh god can we finally end the era of you two pining over each other

 **edward cullen™:** I DIDNT PINE OVER HIM

 **lesbian from next door:** my text records with you say otherwise

 **annoyance:** yah im w them 5 yrs is a long time

 **edward cullen™:** betrayed by my own boyfriend

 **lesbian from next door:** [SNOWBAZ IS CANNON KING](https://78.media.tumblr.com/1b74e8ffe804e40a0a2b13cbc0be5fae/tumblr_ovsa5vm1y01tnwaino2_500.jpg)

 **the voice of reason:** MY SONS

 **annoyance:** wtf is a snowbaz

 **edward cullen™:** us? but how can you take his last name and my name and put them together

 **lesbian from next door:** bc simon and baz don't blend together well

 **the voice of reason:** and bc snowpitch is too long so snowbaz

 **annoyance:** oh 

 **annoyance:** y have yall put actual thought into this

 **the voice of reason:** because you two are oblivious idiots and saying both of your names got tiring

 **the voice of reason:** not to bring twilight back into our conversations but now simon can actually be bella

 **edward cullen™:** thanks! i hate it

 **lesbian from next door:** ndjsdbjbj why do we always talk abt twilight God Make It Stop

 **annoyance:** twilight is god tier

 **edward cullen™:** no its not

 **annoyance:** u have a twilight name?

 **edward cullen™:** you gave it to me?

 **annoyance:** u right

 **edward cullen™:** i always am

 **annoyance:** ya sure

 **edward cullen™:** go fix your toilet

 **annoyance:** im just going 2 keep flushing it in hopes of it going away so

 **the voice of reason:** help

 **edward cullen™:** with what

 **the voice of reason:** lights stairs fell agatha me

 **annoyance:** i like how broken down ur message is 

 **edward cullen™:** did you guys get wrapped in lights and fall down some stairs

 **the voice of reason:** y

 **annoyance:** ndjnjdfjd are u two ok

 **edward cullen™:** can't you just stand up

 **the voice of reason:** no 

 **annoyance:** to..... whihc question

 **the voice of reason:** both

 **edward cullen™:** why are all my friends so dumb

 **annoyance:** HEY 

 **edward cullen™:** i guess i'll come help you two 

 **the voice of reason:** thnk

 **annoyance:** WAIT I WANNA COME

 **edward cullen™:** no you have a toilet to flush

 **annoyance:** YA BUT I WANNA COME

 **annoyance:** PLEAAAAAAAAAASE

 **annoyance:** BAZ

 **edward cullen™:** fine 

 **annoyance:** I LOVE U

 **edward cullen:** i love you too i'm leaving now

 **the voice of reason:** aggie says thanks and i got one of my hands free so i can text better

 **annoyance:** i miss ur broken down messages 

 **the voice of reason:** oh well 

 **annoyance:** ughhhhhhhh my toilet water is glittery + purple whar do i do

 **the voice of reason:** idk i've never put bath bombs in my toilet

 **annoyance:** i didnt PUT them there they FELL into the toilet

 **the voice of reason:** uh huh

 **annoyance:** u know baz and i could jusr not come help u two

 **the voice of reason:** simon

 **annoyance:** ya? :^)

 **edward cullen™:** simon i'm outside

 **annoyance:** alr gimme a sec

 **edward cullen™** : for what

 **annoyance:** bc i look Bad rn

 **the voice of reason:** can you worry about impressing baz later

 **edward cullen™:** i feel like i've seen him worse than he looks right now but 

 **annoyance:** oh no u have its jus the outfit was rly gross so

 **edward cullen™:** can you come out of your house already and get in the car

 **annoyance:** IM COMIN

 **the voice of reason:** agatha won't shut up

 **edward cullen™:** lmao what is she saying

 **the voice of reason:** shes partially singing along to the christmas music blasting upstairs, complaining about the lights digging into her back and how warm she is, and telling me about the job interview she has next week

 **annoyance:** baz said to tell her 2 shut up

 **the voice of reason:** are you two finally on your way

 **annoyance:** ya

 **the voice of reason:** took you long enough

 **annoyance:** hey its not our fault u fell down rhe stairs while wrapped in lights

 **the voice of reason:** it's not my fault either

 **annoyance:** hmmmmmm 

 **annoyance:** how did u guys fall anyways

 **the voice of reason:** how close are you guys

 **annoyance:** ill tell u when u tell me how u fell

 **the voice of reason:** are you 12

 **annoyance:** on a scale of 1-10 yes

 **the voice of reason:** i told agatha what you just sent and she said she's gonna punch you for that

 **annoyance:** WORTH IT

 **annoyance:** lol we'll be there in like 2 mins 

 **the voice of reason:** thank god

 **annoyance:** this is punishment 4 putting updecorations this early

 **the voice of reason:** its technically christmas season now since 100.3 is playing christmas music on the radio

 **annoyance:** ......no

 **the voice of reason:** ok i don't want to talk to you anymore where's baz

 **annoyance:** driving????????????????????

 **the voice of reason:** ok well 

 **annoyance:** sux

 **the voice of reason:** so how'd you muster up the courage to tell baz

 **annoyance:** lol i didnt i accidentally told him after he woke me up w some dumb texts @2 am

 **the voice of reason:** you are the definition of a mess

 **annoyance:** at least im cute tho

 **the voice of reason:** you got me there

 **annoyance:** oh we're here

 **annoyance:** but uh fyi baz isnt the happiest camper rn so

 **edward cullen™:** why the hell did you two lock the front door?

 **annoyance:** yiiiikes

 **the voice of reason:** right okay then i'm giving the phone to aggie so she can deal with him bye

 **the voice of reason:** WE LOCKED IT SO NO ONE WOULD ROB US -AGGIE

 **edward cullen™:** you live in the SUBURBS WHO IS GOING TO ROB YOU

 **annoyance:** the old couple across the street is lookin sketchy....

 **edward cullen™:** you all give me a headache

 **the voice of reason:** PUT THE GARAGE CODE THINGY IN ITS -AGGIE

 **edward cullen™:** its what

 **the voice of reason:** FUCK I FORGOT -AGGIE

 **annoyance:** dnjsdhndj baz looks so pissed off rn this is so funny

 **the voice of reason:** I THINK PENNY IS GOING TO KILL ME HELP -AGGIE

 **edward cullen™:** gee how do you expect me to do that when i can't get into your fucking house agatha

 **annoyance:** KHDJDN EVRYONE JUST CALM DOWN

 **annoyance:** ok so new plan: we'll hop the fence and try the back door

 **edward cullen™:** correction: you will do that while i call agatha's mother and ask for the garage code

 **annoyance:** ur no fun :(((((

 **the voice of reason:** WHY DO YOU HAVE MY MOMS # -AGGIE

 **edward cullen™:** because you are stupid and she needs someone to be able to contact when you do stupid things 

 **the voice of reason:** WOW OK RUDE -AGGIE

 **annoyance:** i didnt have 2 hop the fence i found the gate

 **annoyance:** en route 2 the back door

 **edward cullen™:** i have the garage code now so i'm about to walk into the house 

 **annoyance:** o ok bc the back door is locked

 **edward cullen™:** and so is the door to get into the house from the garage! agatha wellbelove what the ever loving fuck is wrong with you

 **the voice of reason:** A LOT -AGGIE

 **the voice of reason:** WAIT THERES A FRONT DOOR KEY IN THE GARAGE I THINK IDK WHERE -AGGIE

 **annoyance:** if u guys could see baz rn he looks soooo angry

 **annoyance:** its kind of hot ngl

 **the voice of reason:**  SHUT UP SIMON -AGGIE

 **annoyance:** why are u typing in caps jfc

 **the voice of reason:** SO YOU DON'T THINK ITS PENNY -AGGIE

 **annoyance:** .......u sign the mssgs w ur name ?

 **the voice of reason:** oh yeah -aggie

 **annoyance:** NDBHFBDHFB DUMB

 **edward cullen™:** i think i found the key but before i unlock the door do you have advil

 **the voice of reason:** no but i have tylenol extra strength -aggie

 **edward cullen™:** alright where

 **the voice of reason:** can't i give it to you AFTER you come help us -aggie

 **edward cullen™:** no

 **edward cullen™:** where is it

 **the voice of reason:** second floor bathroom first on the right in the cabinet -aggie

 **edward cullen™:** k thanks simon is coming to save you now

 **annoyance:** ur own personal superman if u will

 **the voice of reason:** i will not -aggie

 **annoyance:** are u really in the position to insult me rn

 **the voice of reason:** no but that wont stop me -aggie

 **annoyance:** RUDE WTF

 **annoyance:** BAZ R U SEEIN GTHIS DISRESPECT

 **edward cullen™:** yes and i dont care

 **annoyance:** :////////////////////

 **the voice of reason:** IM FREE

 **annoyance:** 'hey simon thnks for helpin us' 'oh no problem ur welcome anything 4 my friends' 'love you' 'love you too'

 **the voice of reason:** hey simon thanks for helping us

 **annoyance:** no

 **the voice of reason:** well i tried

 **lesbian from next door:** baz where tf are u

 **edward cullen™:** my car

 **annoyance:** y

 **edward cullen™:** to leave? i deserve a nap after dealing with that mess

 **annoyance:** alr i'm gnna stay an decorate w pen and aggie

 **edward cullen™** : have fun

 **lesbian from next door:** oh and THANKS BAZ ILY!

 **annoyance:** WHT AM I CHOPPED LIVER

 **lesbian from next door:** you said it not me

 **annoyance:** I HATE THI FAMILY 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally just couldn't be bothered to wait any longer for them to get together so my bad if you wanted angst but hey! at least this update didn't take a month
> 
> i actually read chapter 61 again after editing this and i could feel all my love for simon and baz overwhelming me again.... so thats cute, anyways i hope you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> as before, comments are highly appreciated!! <3


	6. kids cant say die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agatha has a job interview, Penny hates physics, Simon is dying inside, and Baz has an _amazing_ time babysitting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow me?? posting within a week of my last update??? sounds unrealistic 
> 
> all your comments on the last chapter made me rly happy so i tried to write all of this last weekend (it only vaguely worked but hey its finished now soo) and somehow the week ended up being really busy?? so this was originally supposed to be uploaded on tues/wed but.. that fell through so my bad but at least i didn't take a month this time? anyways hope u enjoy this chap!!
> 
> key:  
> the voice of reason - penny  
> lesbian from next door - agatha  
> annoyance - simon  
> edward cullen - baz

**annoyance:** LETS GET READY TO RUUUUUUUUUMBLE!

 **edward cullen™:** hey love

 **annoyance:** ya 

 **edward cullen™:** shut up

 **annoyance:** CAN I EVER HVE FUN AROUND HERE

 **lesbian from next door:** no

 **annoyance:** uuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

 **lesbian from next door:** go makeout w ur boyfriend and stop moping

 **annoyance:** hes BABYSITTING

 **edward cullen™:** you're still more than welcome to come over 

 **annoyance:** i have 2 finish stuff 4 apps n scholarships :(

 **lesbian from next door:** ngl i got stressed out from reading that text good luck

 **annoyance:** ty ill need it

 **lesbian from next door:** i have a job interview and idk what to wear?? help

 **edward cullen™:** where at

 **lesbian from next door:** the watering can 

 **edward cullen™:** you applied for a job at a flower shop?

 **lesbian from next door:** discounts on flowers 

 **the voice of reason:** i HATE ap physics

 **annoyance:** why pen

 **the voice of reason:** IT DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE AND PHYSICS IS SO B O R I N G 

 **edward cullen™:** i don't know why you took it i told you ap bio was the best way to go

 **annoyance:** wait aggie ur whole reasoning 4 getting a job there is 4 discounted flowers....

 **lesbian from next door:** yep

 **annoyance:** sounds. Fishy

 **lesbian from next door:** how

 **annoyance:** idk just think its weird that.. we saw that cute girl there a couple weeks ago and then u apply 4 a job there

 **lesbian from next door:** ANYWAYS I SENT SNAPS OF MY OUTFIT CHOICES PLEASE PICK ONE XOXO

 **edward cullen™:** the second one

 **lesbian from next door:** glad to see at least one person cares about me

 **the voice of reason:** don't be so over dramatic

 **annoyance:** ya baz is over dramatic enough 4 all of us since thats like 50% of his personality

 **edward cullen™:** first of all i am the perfect amount of dramatic

 **edward cullen™:** second of all that is NOT half of my personality

 **annoyance:** ummm on thursday when ur fav pen dried out u laid on the ground and screamed for 5 minutes straight

 **edward cullen™:** it was an amazing pen and never smudged 

 **annoyance:** ......i rest my case

 **edward cullen™:** shut up

 **edward cullen™:** anyways mordelia is fucking blasting the kidz bop version of stressed out and i want to die

 **the voice of reason:** put on one direction

 **edward cullen™:** she doesnt like them

 **the voice of reason:** how old is she

 **edward cullen™:**  7? 8? i don't know

 **the voice of reason:** you dont know your own sisters age??????????????

 **edward cullen™:** i can only hold so much knowledge penny

 **annoyance:** shes 8

 **the voice of reason:** how do you know but baz doesn't

 **annoyance:** bc she invited me 2 her 9th bday party bc she "didnt want baz to be sad that she has more friends than him"

 **edward cullen™:** WHAT THE FUCK

 **the voice of reason:** does insulting others just run in your family's bloodline

 **lesbian from next door:** thats the funniest thing ive ever heard high five her for me baz

 **edward cullen™:** no

 **lesbian from next door:** this is why your 8 yr old sister has more friends than you

 **edward cullen™:** because i wont high five my siblings when you ask me to?

 **lesbian from next door:** no bc youre difficult 

 **edward cullen™:** i'm not difficult 

 **annoyance:** u sure abt that babe

 **edward cullen™:** mordelia said that you werent supposed to tell anyone that simon

 **edward cullen™:** and yes im sure

 **annoyance:** uhhhhhhhh she nvr said it was a secret so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **edward cullen™:** that is the ugliest thing i have ever seen never use it again

 **annoyance:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **annoyance:** oops

 **edward cullen™:** i hate you

 **annoyance:** no u dont or u wouldnt be dating me ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **edward cullen™:** we're breaking up 

 **annoyance:**  (ಥ﹏ಥ) baz pls

 **edward cullen™:** oh my GOD that's even uglier STOP

 **annoyance:** whooo!! im havin a mental breakdown!! ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

 **edward cullen™:** maybe it'll stop if you quit sending those ugly emojis that shouldn't even be classified as emojis

 **annoyance:** HOW DO I WRITE ABTMYSELF TO A COLLEGES IF I ODNT EVENJKNOW WHO I AM (ʘ‿ʘ)

 **lesbian from next door:** BIG MOOD GOING INTO THIS INTERVIEW WISH ME LUCK PLS

 **edward cullen™:** just come over and i'll help you and good luck agatha

 **the voice of reason:** good luck aggie!!!!!

 **annoyance:** I LOVE U HOPE U GET THE JOB n i WOUDL but idk

 **edward cullen™:** or facetime me

 **the voice of reason:** how do you write a lab report when you didn't understand any of the lab that you've been working on in class for 2 weeks

 **annoyance:** u dont

 **the voice of reason:** i didn't WANT to talk to trixie today but i guess i'll HAVE to

 **annoyance:** rip u maybe she wont be annoying 2day since ur not physically 2gether

 **annoyance:** baz can i ft u in 10 mins

 **edward cullen™:** yeah thats fine

 **annoyance:** ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ ) 

 **edward cullen™:** actually on second thought

 **annoyance:** NO PLS INEED U AND UR GOOD ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS

 **edward cullen™:** chill

 **annoyance:** OK IM CALLING U NOW IM DYIN SQUIRTLE

 **edward cullen™:** okay again chill

* * *

**the voice of reason:** i texted trixie an hour ago and she hasnt responded yet so i'm giving up on physics for now

 **edward cullen™:** all 3 of my sisters just made the ugliest noises when they heard simon call me babe?? why are they like this

 **edward cullen™:** i forgot how much i hate babysitting

 **the voice of reason:** i'm your siblings lmaoo

 **the voice of reason:** you guys know those bird pics?

 **annoyance:** no?????????????????

 **the voice of reason:** those like weird captioned ones and they have drawings of birds on them

 **edward cullen™:** the mincing mockingbird guide to troubled birds?

 **the voice of reason:** YES

 **annoyance:** what abt themdjdndk

 **the voice of reason:** which one do y'all think you'd be

 **edward cullen™:** i have no clue but simon is laughing really hard so i'm assuming he googled them

 **annoyance:** THIS [ONE](https://i.imgur.com/TyMSZwG.jpg) IS ME 

 **edward cullen™:** i mean you aren't wrong 

 **the voice of reason:** please try to tell me that [this](https://i.imgur.com/0SxPRyo.jpg) isnt baz

 **annoyance:** KMSINSUDUSHDSBDSJK

 **edward cullen™:** thanks! i hate it

 **edward cullen™:** [also](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/00/49/a4/0049a45a342b084965fe0dcc60a1bc7b--weird-birds-bird-quotes.jpg) simon

 **annoyance:** U RIGHT

 **annoyance:** [PENNY](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0113/5192/products/7026sor_web_1024x1024.jpg?v=1467586683) ANY TIME SHE EXPLAINS SMTH TO US

 **the voice of reason:** LMAOOO TRUE

 **the voice of reason:** is [this](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0113/5192/products/7025che_web_1024x1024.jpg?v=1467586211) not agatha 

 **edward cullen™:** can i make one of these my senior quote

 **annoyance:** DJDNJ [THIS](http://www.joiedevivre.net/joieweb/sell/imagessell/mincingmockingbird/magnet_shinythings400x270.jpg) IS ALSO AGGIE

 **the voice of reason:** BAZ PLEASE MAKE THIS [ONE](http://www.peacebang.com/wp-content/uploads/il_fullxfull.252661880_grande.jpg) YOUR SENIOR QUOTE

 **edward cullen™:** lmaoo i'll submit when they ask for them

 **annoyance:** those jst chsnged mt life bck 2 dyin

 **the voice of reason:** mood because trixie just texted me back

 **edward cullen™:** mordelia won't let me play one direction but she can play the kidz bop covers of their songs???

 **the voice of reason:** did they change any of the lyrics

 **edward cullen™:** soml is on right now and instead of the normal verse its "seems to me that when im gone these words will be written on my own"?????

 **annoyance:** what r the real lyrics

 **the voice of reason:** seems to me that when i die these words will be written on my stone

 **annoyance:** kids cant say die

 **lesbian from next door:** ive only been gone for an hour and a half wtf is goin on

 **annoyance:** kids cant say die

 **edward cullen™:** he said that out loud and adrianna just screamed die

 **annoyance:** SHES MT FAVORITE

 **annoyance:** DONT TELL MORDELIA OR LUNA

 **edward cullen™:** hm

 **annoyance:** BAZ WHY DID U DO THAT

 **the voice of reason:** what did he do

 **annoyance:** "hey adrianna did you know you're simons favorite" 

 **lesbian from next door:** LMAOOOOOOOOOOO 

 **annoyance:** N THEN MORDELIA N LUNA SAID "I THOUGHT I WAS UR FAV" AND I WAS LIKE UBDB I DIDNT SY THAT BAZ BUT THEN ADRIANNA WAS LIKE SO U WERE LYINH??? AND I WAS LIKE NO!!! I LOVE ALL OF U OKS DJDBDJFB 

 **the voice of reason:** you just broke three childrens hearts

 **annoyance:** STOP I DIDNT MEAN TO IT WAS BAZS FAUKT

 **edward cullen™:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **annoyance:** U JUST

 **annoyance:** NOT FAIR

 **edward cullen™:** oops

 **annoyance:** 911 id like 2 report a crime

 **lesbian from next door:** 911 machine broke

 **the voice of reason:** AGATHAJWDBJEB

 **the voice of reason:** why does trixie respond to one text at lightning speed and then take 3293747 years to respond to my next text

 **lesbian from next door:** thats honestly you replying to texts though

 **edward cullen™:** true even i reply quicker than you sometimes penny

 **the voice of reason:** do i really reply that slowly

 **annoyance:** eh depends but not normally 

 **lesbian from next door:** wait baz where is My favorite pitch 

 **edward cullen™:** i don't know who you're talking about 

 **lesbian from next door:** REMUS!!!!!!!! WHERE IS HE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **edward cullen™:** he is literally 7 months how is he your favorite already

 **lesbian from next door:** hes got a pretty name and is adorable how can he not be my favorite

 **lesbian from next door:** WHERE IS HE

 **edward cullen™:** stop asking jesus christ he's asleep 

 **annoyance:** baz is my favorite pitch 

 **the voice of reason:** wow shocker!

 **lesbian from next door:** someone call tmz because this is the biggest revelation of our century!

 **annoyance:** leave me alonefbjfn

 **edward cullen™:** i never realized i knew all the words to most songs from victorious until today

 **annoyance:** wait rly

 **edward cullen™:** tragically

 **annoyance:** SING ME 1 OF THE SONGS PLS

 **edward cullen™:** absolutely not

 **annoyance:** will u serenade me w one direction then

 **edward cullen™:** yeah sure

 **annoyance:** WAIT RLY

 **edward cullen™:** i practically sing all of their songs to you anyways in my car

 **annoyance:** YA BUT THIS IS JUST CUTER BC ILL KNOW UR INTENTIONS 

 **lesbian from next door:** sing [illusion](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwij6IHGqMnXAhWrwlQKHQ8CDrMQyCkIKzAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DGbNqVNWydZg&usg=AOvVaw0n1zCJaq2Drom-6H1qSlZd) to him 

 **the voice of reason:** side eye emojis

 **annoyance:** 1\. idk the lyrics to tht song so lemme google them and 2. y do u TYPE IT OUT INSTESD OF USING THE ACTUAL EMOJIS

 **the voice of reason:** its funnier that way

 **annoyance:** wtf y are the lyrics to this song so cute

 **edward cullen™:** because one direction were gods

 **annoyance:** not this again 

 **the voice of reason:** one direction were GODS its just common knowledge!

 **lesbian from next door:** scientists around the world agree on this fact

 **annoyance:** o god 

 **annoyance:** abyways aggie how was ur interview

 **the voice of reason:** you can't run away from the truth simon

 **annoyance:** ......................... i hate this

 **lesbian from next door:** it went well???? she told me there was a 75% chance i got the job she just had to talk to the other shop owner?

 **annoyance:** oh thts good!!!! 

 **lesbian from next door:** yeah she said i should know before next thursday if i did get it so lets pray

 **edward cullen™:** i have to make dinner and i think i'd rather die

 **the voice of reason:** how hard could that be

 **edward cullen™:** you come do it then

 **the voice of reason:** actually i retract my statement and wish you luck

 **edward cullen™:** okay then

 **lesbian from next door:** how long r u babysitting for

 **annoyance:** all. weekend. 

 **lesbian from next door:** oh wow someone doesn't sound happy and its not baz for once

 **annoyance:** shut upndjbdj

 **lesbian from next door:** i feel like having baz for a babysitter would be the most boring thing ever

 **lesbian from next door:** what is he gonna do besides sit and read and look all broody and drink black coffee while muttering rude comments under his breath

 **the voice of reason:** if i read that and didn't know baz i would think he has no personality 

 **lesbian from next door:** bjbdjsdbjfb 

 **annoyance:** i read that n still thought that penny 

 **the voice of reason:** HOW 

 **annoyance:** u ever just look at baz and see him staring at smth and u look at what hes lookin at and its nothin special but hes been intently staring @ it for 20 mins and u think maybe hes dead or dissociating 

 **lesbian from next door:**  surprisingly yes 

 **annoyance:** ya those instances have built up the idea that hes an alien w no human personality bc one person couldnt b tht attractive and also watch golf on mute for 3 hrs straight n not complain

 **the voice of reason:** and yet you're still dating him

 **annoyance:** uh yea hes still a 10/10 jus sometimes might not hav a real distinguished personality

 **edward cullen™:** gee thanks 

 **annoyance:** i meant it all in a good way!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **lesbian from next door:** i think thats enough of analyzing bazs personality for today 

 **the voice of reason:** i finished my physics report and its not very good but i'm going to edit it later and sleep now because that gave me the biggest headache ever

 **edward cullen™:** pop some advil then sleep

 **the voice of reason:** you are a wise man

 **annoyance:**  a cough is just a crunchy breath

 **lesbian from next door:** NO

 **edward cullen™:** why

 **edward cullen™:** why would you say that what caused you to say that

 **the voice of reason:** aaaaand thats my cue to leave

 **annoyance:** a yawn is a boneless cough

 **lesbian from next door:** STOP 

 **annoyance:** idk it makes sense and my brain is dyin after fillin out apps

 **edward cullen™:** alright well please never say that again its horrifying to think about

 **annoyance:** its the truth

 **lesbian from next door:** ITS TERRIBLE IS WHAT IT IS 

 **annoyance:** the truth can b terrible

 **lesbian from next door:** NO!!!!! BONELESS COUGHS!!!!! BAD

 **edward cullen™:** i can feel agathas growing frustration from thinking about this and its kind of hilarious

 **lesbian from next door:** YOU JUST RUINED MY LIFE NOW ILL NEVER THINK OF COUGHS AND YAWNS THE SAME

 **lesbian from next door:** WHY DOES IT MAKE SENSE IT SHOULDNT MAKE SENSE

 **annoyance:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> penny is actually me this year bc i’m taking honors physics right now and i HATE it 
> 
> i edited all of this listening to big time rush and regret nothing tbqh ALSO you should tell me which mincing mockingbird you would be in the comments (im deffo [this](https://img0.etsystatic.com/216/0/5135077/il_340x270.1222645830_mw5l.jpg) one lmfao)
> 
> comments are greatly appreciated !!


	7. lets make the yuletide gay!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secret Santa starts....... now!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back to this trainwreck!
> 
> this chapter is a bit all over the place but in my defense school has been HELL and ive had so much work :// i hate junior year sdsjh anyways i hope u enjoy!!
> 
> key:  
> the voice of reason/professor dumbass - penny  
> lesbian from next door/sharpay evans - agatha  
> annoyance - simon  
> edward cullen™ - baz

**the voice of reason:** good afternoon how are you all

 **edward cullen **™:****  gay

 **annoyance:**  i think... i’m having a midlife crisissdjejdj

 **edward cullen™:**  you’re 18?

 **annoyance:**  i could die at 36

 **edward cullen™:** well

 **edward cullen™:** okay then

 **annoyance:** life is HARD

 **lesbian from next door:** imagine if life was like hsm

 **annoyance:** u would b sharpay

 **lesbian from next door:** i ACCEPT that

_[ **the voice of reason** changed **lesbian from next door'** s name to ' **s** **harpay evans** ']_

**edward cullen™:** does anyone else remember that hsm bad lip reading video

 **edward cullen™:** or was that whole thing a fever dream 

 **annoyance:**  the [bouncy ball](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oSF461mCdw) one??

 **the voice of reason:** BASKETBALL BASKETBALL WE LOVE BASKETBALL

 **sharpay evans:** ITS MY BOUNCY BALL

 **edward cullen™:** i hated that video

 **annoyance:** its stuck in my head now ndejbnje 

 **the voice of reason:** ItsWhatSheDeserves.jpg

 **sharpay evans:** hey yall its CHRISTMAS sooo THAT MEANS

_[ **sharpay evans** changed the group name to 'merry chrysler!']_

**the voice of reason:** MERRY CRISIS

 **anoyance:** Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas Is You on repeat for 16 hours

 **sharpay evans:** yes

 **the voice of reason:** true #talent is singing both parts of baby its cold outside

 **annoyance:** michigan bible's version is the only valid one

 **edward cullen™:** ........michigan bible

 **annoyance:** why is his last name NOT pronounced bubble if its buble

 **the voice of reason:** its only got one b

 **annoyance:** oh sorry *bule 

 **the voice of reason:** close enough

 **annoyance:**  can we do secret santa

 **the voice of reason:** YES

 **sharpay evans:** YES

 **edward cullen™:** sure

 **sharpay evans:** I LOVE THE ENTHUSIASM BAZ KEEP IT UP 

 **edward cullen™:** no

 **sharpay evans:** THATS THE SPIRIT WHOOOOOOO

 **annoyance:** OK I GOOGLED A SITE THAT WILL PICK NAMES FOR US CHECK UR EMAILS 

 **sharpay evans:** u kids and ur technotlogiclly

 **the voice of reason:** why did u make the group message 'lols'

 **annoyance:** SPREADIN LAFFS 4 XMAS!!!!!

 **sharpay evans:** i cant believe u named the group 'lets make the yuletide gay!'

 **annoyance:** its what christina wouldve wanted

 **annoyance:** baz is the only 1 who hasnt joined yet :((((

 **annoyance:** BAZ

 **annoyance:** BAZ

 **annoyance:** PITCH

 **annoyance:** HEY

 **sharpay evans:** k im turning my phone on dnd until ur done

 **annoyance:** thats fair

 **annoyance:** BAZ

 **annoyance:** BABE

 **edward cullen™:** jesus fuck stop i joined

 **annoyance:** THANK U  <3333333

 **annoyance:** none of u put anything u would want as gifts? wtf

 **the voice of reason:** did it ask for that bc i just kept clicking until the green button went away

 **edward cullen™:** same

 **sharpay evans:** uhhh thats too much work cant we just like

 **sharpay evans:** guess what the person we got would want/like

 **annoyance:** thts not as fun :///

 **sharpay evans:** u take what u can get my dear boy

 **the voice of reason:** the only thing i want for christmas is vine to come back

 **edward cullen™:** unreasonable gift suggestion bc thats a christmas miracle

 **the voice of reason:** my name doesnt allow me to be unreasonable xoxo

 **edward cullen™:** yeah sure

 **edward cullen™:** also simon why did you give her that name shes not the voice of reason at all

 **sharpay evans:** true penny always encourages our reckless ways

 **annoyance:** idk wht should i change it 2 then

 **sharpay evans:** i got this

_[ **sharpay evans** changed **the voice of reason'** s name to ' **professor dumbass** ']_

**annoyance:** AGTAHAGSHBD

 **professor dumbass:** i mean....... you arent wrong

 **edward cullen™:** the end of an era

 **sharpay evans:** you and si are the only ones left with og names

 **professor dumbass:** snowbaz sticking together i see 

 **annoyance:** if i changed my name it would be 2 chicken little

 **edward cullen™:** do it

 **professor dumbass:** what part of snowbaz sticking together did you two not get

 **edward cullen™:** what does that say sorry i cant read

 **sharpay evans:** oh worm?

 **annoyance:** what up im jared im 19 and i never fckin learned how to read

 **edward cullen™:** that vine changed my life

 **annoyance:** ik im the one who suggested secret santa but i just wanna know who u all have 

 **edward cullen™:** that completely defeats the purpose of secret santa

 **annoyance:** ya i get that

 **annoyance:** do u have me baz

 **edward cullen™:** no comment

 **annoyance:** U DO

 **edward cullen™:** no i said no comment meaning im not answering that

 **professor dumbass:** WAIT when are we exchanging gifts

 **sharpay evans:** how abt on new years bc were all seeing each other then

 **annoyance:** ok thats enough time 2 buy gift

 **professor dumbass:** hells yea

 **sharpay evans:** i just got 20 pots of playdoh for $15 at michaels whatta STEAL

 **annoyance:** what.. what do u need playdoh for

 **sharpay evans:** nothing but the deal was too good to pass up

 **annoyance:** u should.. uh eat it

 **edward cullen™:** do not

 **annoyance:** do it

 **edward cullen™:** their slogan is literally "fun to play with NOT to eat"

 **annoyance:** ppl who dont eat playdoh r weak and evolution is coing for them

 **professor dumbass:** so do u eat playdoh?

 **annoyance:** obviously

 **sharpay evans:** mmmm i know whats on the menu for lunch now

 **edward cullen™:** what the fuck? what the fuck.

 **annoyance:** its like how sometimes when u cant take a bath but want to use a bath bomb u have eat the bath bomb

 **professor dumbass:** ah the talk of eating bath bombs is back

 **professor dumbass:** feels like coming home

 **edward cullen™:** 1\. you would never have to do that

 **edward cullen™:** 2\. penny what the fuck does that mean

 **professor dumbass:** i said what i said

 **sharpay evans:** mood of the day is smacking playdoh and saying whos ur daddy like that one vine

 **annoyance:** bood

 **professor dumbass:** did you mean mood

 **annoyance:** bood = big mood but im lazy n didnt wanna type ALL of that out

 **edward cullen™:** its 2 words

 **annoyance:** do u think i have the time for that

 **edward cullen™:** i hate you

 **annoyance:** FALSE

 **professor dumbass:** ah nothing like the sound of young love during the holidays

 **sharpay evans:** refreshes my bones

 **annoyance:** tht is thw worst thing i have evr read thanks

 **sharpay evans:** youre welcome :-)

 **edward cullen™:** simon is kinda like that blond elf from the rudolph movie

 **professor dumbass:** the gay twink who wanted to be a dentist?

 **edward cullen™:** i mean i wasn't going to say all of that but.. yeah

 **annoyance:** omg? what the fuck who

 **sharpay evans:** NO I HATE THAT MEME

 **sharpay evans:** ITS STUPID AND NOT EVEN FUNNY

 **annoyance:** idek who yalla re talking abt ndfjfnd

 **professor dumbass:** google why werent you at elf practice

 **professor dumbass:** youre the blond elf in it

 **annoyance:** uh ok wtf

 **annoyance:** what did i just watch

 **edward cullen™:** the meme is annoying but youre the blond elf

 **annoyance:** he.. wants 2 b a dentist???? 

 **professor dumbass:** yes but thats not the point

 **sharpay evans:** u kinda are hermy :/

 **annoyance:**   wow! i hate this family

 **edward cullen™:** false

 **annoyance:** :(

 **sharpay evans:** ah nothing like the sound of young love between a gay twink elf who wants to be a dentist and a powerful emo vampire from forks, washington  <33

 **professor dumbass:** ESPECIALLY during the holidays!

_[ **annoyance** left the group]_

_[ **edward cullen™** left the group]_

**sharpay evans:** aww was it something we said?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before any of u come for me i wrote this BEFORE vine 2 was announced djsdh
> 
> the secret santa site simon talked abt is actually real and my friends and i have used it before!! and i rly signed all of them up so it would be random sooo comment below who u think has each other 
> 
> i dont know if ill be updating again this month so if i dont end up updating again till 2018:  
> happy holidays and i hope you all have a great new year! <333


	8. twentyGAYteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New year same idiots!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year!!
> 
> OH AND THANK U FOR 1000 HITS.... CANT BELIEVE A THOUSAND OF YALL HAVE READ THIS MESS DJJWDJSKD MY HEART IS RLY FULL RN AND IM LOWKEY CRYIN BUT ENJOY THE CHAP!! 
> 
>    
> also bc of this i’m gonna TRY to update this week again as a big gay thank u to u all !!!!!!!
> 
> key:   
> professor dumbass: penny  
> edward cullen™️/posh spice: baz  
> sharpay evans/baby spice: agatha  
> annoyance: simon

**professor dumbass:** 2017 FOUND DEAD IN MIAMI

 **annoyance:** the new yr starting on a monday is a sign frm the gods

 **sharpay evans:** GOOD RIDDANCE 2017

 **edward cullen™:** a sign we only have a week left on break

 **annoyance:** I HATE U BOTH STOP

 **sharpay evans:** its a meme and u love memes??? fool

 **annoyance:** its overused!!!!!!!

 **professor dumbass:** touche 

 **edward cullen™:** wow simon rejecting a meme? is the world ending?

 **annoyance:** its new years eve u cant taunt me

 **edward cullen™:** yes i can and i just did

 **annoyance:** wtf? wtf!

 **sharpay evans:** young love

 **edward cullen™:** eh

 **annoyance:** U CANT SAY EH

 **annoyance:** ive literally been @ur home all break 4 holidays w ur fam f u 

 **professor dumbass:** wait y'all spent christmas together?? thats so cute

 **edward cullen™:** why'd you add the apostrophe to yall you aren't a texan stop that

 **sharpay evans:** dont change the subject basil

 **edward cullen™:** i'm never speaking to you again and i'm suing you for calling me basil

 **annoyance:** i love my bf basil 

 **annoyance:**  BAZ JUST HIT ME W  APILLOWNDJ

 **professor dumbass:** how do you get baz from basilton

 **professor dumbass:** if anything you should be nicknamed bas or bass

 **sharpay evans:** BASS LIKE BASS PRO SHOPS

 **annoyance:** why the fuck did u think of bass pro shops first omg

 **edward cullen™:** why is this an actual conversation topic i hate all of you

 **sharpay evans:** 1\. what else would i think of genius 2. shut up emo boy

 **annoyance:** the fish?????????????

 **sharpay evans:** bitch what

 **professor dumbass:** aggie,,,,

 **edward cullen™:** wait did you not know that

 **sharpay evans:** pffffffffffffff i knew that

 **annoyance:** sure jan.jpg

 **sharpay evans:** dead meme. you're not valid.

 **annoyance:** [cries in norwegian]

 **edward cullen™:** currently a 15 on the [keanu reeves scale](https://78.media.tumblr.com/471463d75d0fddeb1ef97b3088860ba3/tumblr_oqbibhexVW1sntzveo1_r1_500.jpg)

 **professor dumbass:** hm. troubling.

 **annoyance:** im like a 2 rn bc im w u

 **sharpay evans:** thats so CUTE WHAT THE FUCK

 **edward cullen™:** oh ok i feel that as well

 **professor dumbass:** im like a good 8 or 12

 **sharpay evans:** when will i get a gf

 **edward cullen™:** in twentygayteen

 **annoyance:** bdjbfdjfn

 **sharpay evans:** bls god give me a gf 

 **professor dumbass:** let it be the cute girl who works with aggie @my man jesus

 **annoyance:** whts her name again

 **sharpay evans:** 1\. fuck off penny shes prolly straight 2. francesca

 **professor dumbass:** shes not straight! i refuse to accept that narrative 

 **sharpay evans:** ok well theres no way in hell shes single shes wayyy too beautiful 4 that

 **edward cullen™:** bring up being a lesbian during the next shift you work together and see what she says

 **annoyance:** ya do that n flirt w her

 **sharpay evans:** im not taking advice from u two ur both messes

 **edward cullen™:** ok but i ended up with a boyfriend didnt i 

 **sharpay evans:** U TOLD HIM FIVE YRS LATER

 **edward cullen™:** i didn't tell you take my exact approach

 **annoyance:** OK BUT IT ALL WRKED OUT SO LISTRN 2 US

 **professor dumbass:** all in favor of aggie flirting w fran say aye

 **professor dumbass:** aye

 **edward cullen™:** eye

 **annoyance:** i

 **professor dumbass:** fuck you both

 **annoyance:** xoxo

 **sharpay evans:** no i vote no

 **annoyance:** 3 to 1 u snooze u lose sis

 **sharpay evans:** e n o u g h

 **sharpay evans:** YALL WERE DOING SECRET SANTA EXCHANGE TODAY! LETS TALK ABOUT THAT

 **annoyance:** u will not get out of this convo this easily u fool but ill let it slide for now

 **annoyance:** IM SO EXCITED!!!! I SRSLY HAVE NO CLUE WHO YALL HAVE EXCEPT FOR MINE NJND

 **edward cullen™:** wow and i know who all of us have so i guess it balances out

 **professor dumbass:** HOW DID YOU FIGURE IT OUT

 **edward cullen™:** theres only 4 of us and you and simon both told me who you have

 **sharpay evans:** YALL ARE SO DUMDBDBEDBE

 **annoyance:** NO FUN BLS PRETEND TO BE SURPRISED WHEN U GET UR GIFT FROM UR PERSON 

 **edward cullen™:** okay

 **annoyance:** <33333333

 **professor dumbass:** wait what time are we meeting and where

 **edward cullen™:** in like an hour and my house

 **professor dumbass:** ok cool cool

 **sharpay evans:** i rly dont wanna wrap my gift and i dont think the person i have likes wrapping paper anyways or will care so

* * *

**posh spice:** i wont care if you dont wrap it

 **baby spice:** SO U RLY DO KNOW HUH

 **posh spice:** it's not that hard to figure out 

 **baby spice:** NDJBDSB WHATEVR THANKS

* * *

**annoyance:** but wrapping it makes it fun

 **edward cullen™:** wrapping paper is useless and annoying

 **annoyance:** y did u wrap my gift for xmas then

 **edward cullen™:** because i know you like it

 **annoyance:** oh

 **annoyance:** frbfurhfhur i love u

 **edward cullen™:**  i love you too

 **sharpay evans:** snowbaz being #canon changed my life and continues to improve it every day

 **professor dumbass:** each time you refer to something thats real or happens in reality as canon or a headcanon my body physically shuts down for 10 minutes

 **sharpay evans:** hc that penny doesnt like hc jokes

 **annoyance:** oh thats just canon

 **professor dumbass:** no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **edward cullen™:** wow

 **professor dumbass:** baz is my only true friend

 **edward cullen™:** that's a good headcanon

 **professor dumbass:** I AM FRIENDLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **sharpay evans:** NDJDUHFUEFHEF

 **annoyance:** LMAOOOO U WALKED INTO THAT ONE

 **professor dumbass:** secret santa cancelled you're all dead to me

 **annoyance:** ya ok 'baz' whatevrr

 **sharpay evans:** new meme: whenever one of us says emo or rude shit we have to call that person baz 

 **edward cullen™:** what a stupid meme

 **sharpay evans:** shut up baz

 **professor dumbass:** wow its already catching on

 **annoyance:** djbjfdjfbdfjb

 **edward cullen™:** eye roll emoji x10

 **sharpay evans:** off topic but can we have a giant cuddle puddle tonight

 **annoyance:** YA

 **edward cullen™️:** why did you ask as if we weren’t going to do that

 **sharpay evans:** it’s called being polite basil maybe u should try it some time

 **edward cullen™️:** i am not interested in being polite or heterosexual.jpg

 **sharpay evans:** GIANT SIGH 

 **professor dumbass:** aggie can you finish wrapping my persons gift for me bc you do it prettier than i would 

 **annoyance:** so penny. whomst do u have if baz and i can’t wrap it hm. 

 **professor dumbass:** i have god 

 **annoyance:** x files theme w side eye emojis 

 **sharpay evans:** hold up 

 **sharpay evans:** penny yes i will just come over and simon snow u thot 

 **annoyance:** tf did i do 

 **edward cullen™:** damn my boyfriends a thot

 **sharpay evans:** U COMPLAIN EVERY TIME WE TYPE OUT EMOJIS YET U JUST DID IT 

 **sharpay evans:** hippo crit 

 **edward cullen™️:** never spell hypocrite like that again 

 **sharpay evans:** hippo crit

 **edward cullen™:** why are you like this

 **annoyance:** SRY IDK WHAT U MEAN I CANT TELL WHAT THAT SAYS I CANT READ!!!!1!11!!!

 **sharpay evans:** HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

 **professor dumbass:** aggie and i wrapped my gift so we’re on our way rn

 **annoyance:** o look! i can read again IM SO EXCITEJDJSDJ 2 SEE U BOTH HEART EYES EMOJI 

 **edward cullen™️:** tag yourself as emojis go 

 **annoyance:** the clown emoji bc i’m a fuckin fool

 **sharpay evans:** KDNJWFJWJJD

 **sharpay evans:** the water gun emoji because i wanna die but also not rly 

 **professor dumbass:** the side eyes emoji because i’m always... suspicious 

 **sharpay evans:** oh also the snake emoji bc . well do i need explain 

 **annoyance:** thats baz 

 **sharpay evans:** so a snake and a thot are dating ? ok 

 **edward cullen™:** 911 i’m being bullied 

 **edward cullen™:** anyways i’m the gay flag emoji because i’m gay 

 **annoyance:** WOW 

 **annoyance:** SO DEEP SO INSIGHTFUL THANK U BAZ 

 **edward cullen™:** i thought long and hard about it 

 **annoyance:** i’m also the yellow heart emoji bc yellow is obvi my color and i have a lot of love in my body xoxo

 **professor dumbass:** that’s so cute ??? what the fuck i love u simon 

 **annoyance:** I LOVE U PENNY!!!!!

 **sharpay evans:** simon as emojis would be the sunflower emoji, the sun emoji, the dog emoji, the pink heart w the yellow bow emoji, actually just all cute emojis 

 **edward cullen™:** yeah that’s true

 **annoyance:** i’m CRYINg rn 

 **annoyance:** mmyyyyy heart is so full of love 4 u all 

 **sharpay evans:** that’s gay as fuck no homo tho 

 **edward cullen™:** agatha you’re gay as fuck 

 **sharpay evans:** [MAYBE SO.GIF](https://media1.tenor.com/images/a7642250e1b7fc99e1dfc6d6b1e1eecd/tenor.gif?itemid=9326460)

 **annoyance:** are y’all close at all i wanna exchange giftssshshshs

 **sharpay evans:** ya we’re here actually just chilling in penny’s car 

 **annoyance:** ...... come inside wtf omg 

 **edward cullen™:** please do simon won’t stop bouncing on the couch and it was cute and endearing at first but it’s been 8 minutes 

 **annoyance:** aw u think i’m cute :’)))))  

 **edward cullen™:** i feel like that’s a given considering i’m dating you but yes 

 **annoyance:** cnecjrjcjrjfjenfndmfndn

 **annoyance:** simon snow machine broke

 **professor dumbass:** i was going to ask if your door was unlocked but agatha just walked in so nvm 

 **sharpay evans:** oops ??

 **edward cullen™:** ..... we’re in the living room feel free to join us 

 **professor dumbass:** i’m gonna raid ur fridge first so give me a sec 

 **annoyance:** lmfosjdksjdisifk 

 **edward cullen™:** okay then 

 **annoyance:** hey penny can u bring me back cookies

 **professor dumbass:** yeah how many 

 **annoyance:** all of them ? wtf 

 **professor dumbass:** there’s only 5 so sure

 **sharpay evans:** hey penny bring me a tide pod 

 **edward cullen™:** the tide pod meme isn't even funny

 **professor dumbass:** one tide pod coming right up! 

 **sharpay evan:** ok grandpa and thanks penny xoxoxo

 **edward cullen™:** excuse you i am a youthful boy

 **sharpay evans:** u dress like u came straight out early 1900s but if u say so oscar wilde

 **annoyance:** ENOUGH ABT THIS LETS GIVE GIFTS 

 **sharpay evans:** GIVIN A BIG GAY SMOOCH TO WHOEVER HAS ME FOR WHATEVER THEY GOT ME I ALREADY LOVE IT

 **edward cullen™:** you haven’t opened it yet and also don’t know who has you 

 **sharpay evans:** BIG G A Y SMOOOOOCH BASIL

 **edward cullen™:** big gay sigh 

 **professor dumbass:** I WANNA GO FIRSTJEJJDS

 **annoyance:** THUS IS HIPPO CRIT ICK AL FOR ME TO SAY BUT WHY ARE WE TEXTING RN XJANZN

 **professor dumbass:** EXCITMENT?? 

 **professor dumbass:** ANYWAYS SIMON ENJOY UR GIFT 

 **sharpay evans:** the look baz is giving simon rn as he opens this gift is so GAY and soft 

 **edward cullen™:** fuck off 

 **professor dumbass:** YOUNG LOVE 

 **sharpay evans:** I CANT BELIEVE U GOT HIM A MEME COLORING BOOK... 

 **professor dumbass:** JSKWKKSKEKDD YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO EM 

 **sharpay evans:** AND THE SCARF U MADE HIM.... PENNY OUT HERE TRYNA STEAL HEARTS N SHIT W HER GIFT

 **professor dumbass:** THATS! THE! GOAL!

 **sharpay evans:** k im next calling it now bc baz and simon arent on their phones

 **professor dumbass:** lmfaodbfjdfb who do you have

 **sharpay evans:** baz

 **annoyance:** GET OFF UR PHONES U FUCKS

 **annoyance:** oh aggie u can give him his gift my badjdbeudh

 **sharpay evans:** gonna report u to the anti bullying campaign 4 that mssg :///

 **annoyance:** im a bad bitch u cant kill me

 **professor dumbass:** are y'all done? like is this over?

 **annoyance:** dfhuedfhrugfu

 **edward cullen™:** hello can we go back to gift giving thanks

 **sharpay evans:** BAZ....... IM GIVING U UR GIFT

 **edward cullen™:** pretends to be shocked

 **annoyance:** dnjehdfgfhr

 **professor dumbass:** U GOT HIM ART PRINTS AND BOOKS?? I WANT THEM TF

 **annoyance:** oof baz looks cyoot rn

 **professor dumbass:** cyoot

 **annoyance:** i said what i said

 **sharpay evans:** itswhatshedeserves.jpg

 **annoyance:** :)))))) i lov seein my friends hapyp whomst next 4 gifts

 **annoyance:** jk im making baz go next lol i wanna go LAST

 **edward cullen™:** uhh okay 

 **professor dumbass:** i almost said what if snowbaz had each other but then i realized aggie and i both had snowbaz

 **professor dumbass:** oh well i can dream

 **annoyance:** open ur fckin gift 

 **annoyance:** idk what he got u soooo im excited 4 this

 **annoyance:** whrs aggie 

 **sharpay evans:** whatchu want lil boiiii

 **annoyance:** for u to never say that again :-)

 **sharpay evans:** dont h8 me cuz u ain8 me 

 **annoyance:** where is ur off button? askin 4 a friend 

 **annoyance:** (me im the friend)

 **annoyance:** aw pens gift was cute

 **sharpay evans:** is it cuter than what u got me

 **sharpay evans:** kinda shook that he made her a bullet journal?? tf

 **annoyance:** my gift 4 u is MY LOVE

 **sharpay evans:** damn hope u still got the receipt

 **annoyance:** EXCUSE ME

 **edward cullen™:** can you exchange gifts so we can stop live texting this as if we cant say all of this out loud to each other since we are in each others presence currently

 **professor dumbass:** dbhdbhfbbfhf

 **annoyance:** first of all fuck u a nd second of all ur right 

 **annoyance:** enjoint ur gifties  <33333

 **professor dumbass:** enjoint

 **edward cullen™:** my eyes just fell out of my skull from how ugly that sentence was

 **annoyance:** idk what u mean :-)?

 **professor dumbass:** cant believe you bought her bathbombs after your toilet was killed by them

 **annoyance:** y would u bring that up again

 **professor dumbass:** why WOULDNT i bring it up

 **edward cullen™:**   fun fact: simon and i spent 2 hours in sephora looking at makeup and it was so fucking stressful

 **annoyance:** ya it was terrible but aggie likes the highlighters ??? so twas worht it

 **sharpay evans:** secret santa was cute af i love us

 **annoyance:** *cyoot

 **sharpay evans:** keep ur politcal agenda to urself sir

 **annoyance:** that was rood ;-(

 **edward cullen:** how about we all stop

 **professor dumbass:** LETS BAKE BROWNIES

 **professor dumbass:** i saw the brownie mix in your kitchen baz lets goooo

 **annoyance:** YES

 **sharpay evans:** TIME TO RECREATE THAT KITCHEN DANCE FROM HSM2

 **edward cullen:** this is going to be a disaster 

 **annoyance:** or mayb not!

 **annoyance:** 97% chance of this ending badly! still got that 3%

 **sharpay evans:** THATS THE SPIRIT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is out rly late! a lots been going on with me lately (exams and mental health stuff) so it took me a bit longer to edit this and finish it..... but! hope it wasn’t a let down 
> 
> i hope to have another chapter for y’all by friday or saturday!! (if i don’t bls come yell at me thanks)
> 
> comments + kudos are greatly appreciated xx


	9. from wellbelove to wellbehate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang goes... through it. yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me??? the WORST @ updating???? OH YES ! 
> 
> sorry 4 taking too long to write smth for this lolllll ive been DYING all year bc junior year is a Rough One 
> 
> anyways... heres this uh mess!
> 
> key:  
> annoyance - simon  
> sharpay evans - aggie  
> professor dumbass - penny  
> edward cullen™ - baz

**annoyance:** hello naughty children

 **edward cullen **™** :** absolutely not

 **annoyance:** HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN

 **sharpay evans:** i cant believe its already march 14th wtf

 **professor dumbass:** right january felt like it lasted for 10 yrs

 **annoyance:** can we do smth this weekend 

 **sharpay evans:** i mean we kinda have to bc we have that english project

 **annoyance:** SMTH FUN AGATHA

 **sharpay evans:** whenever you guys call me by my full first name i feel like a child getting yelled at by their parent dsjdbhjfd

 **edward cullen **™** :** can't relate no one ever calls me by my first name

 **annoyance:** were not tryna die tf

 **professor dumbass:** the ultimate power move is calling baz his real name

 **annoyance:** tht is how u get stabbed

 **sharpay evans:** small brain: calls him tyrannus only

 **sharpay evans:** big brain: calls him tryannus basilton

 **sharpay evans:** galaxy brain: calling him tyrannosaurus ba still ton

 **edward cullen **™** :** i'm ordering new friends off of amazon i don't deserve this

 **annoyance:** u will die w/o us

 **professor dumbass:** you love us too much

 **edward cullen **™** :** siri find me new friends

 **sharpay evans:** siri machine broke

 **annoyance:** duidhuiefhdshnfjkgffjkffhfkgh

 **sharpay evans:** thanks! ill be here all week w the jokes :)

 **professor dumbass:** you are the joke

 **edward cullen **™** :** i was going to say that lol

 **annoyance:** you guys are gonna make her go from wellbelove to wellbehate

 **sharpay evans:** is this how it feels when we all make fun of simon bc fdfbjdfbj

 **annoyance:** yes

 **sharpay evans:** u pour baby 

 **sharpay evans:** NOIDNUDHEUFE NON NONNON FUCK 

 **edward cullen™:** pour oh my god

 **sharpay evans:** EAT ANTS U FUCK

 **annoyance:** eat ants dnsdfhuihrfedd

 **professor dumbass:** honestly? kin

 **annoyance:** with eating ants.....????/?/??????

 **professor dumbass:** no with aggie saying pour instead of poor

 **sharpay evans:** i spelled it the british way :+)

 **edward cullen **™** :** that should not have been as funny as it was

 **sharpay evans:** im gonna become a comedian! its in my dna

 **professor dumbass:** the next john mulaney

 **sharpay evans:** yup! thats me

 **sharpay evans:** anyways spring break is coming up

 **annoyance:** IVE WAITED ALL YEAR FOR THESE  SB PLANS AND WERE DOING THEM

 **edward cullen **™** :** so you waited 2 months? 

 **annoyance:** DSHDFIFHIOD SHUT UP

 **annoyance:** ok these plans r lame but SO R WE so it doesnt matter

 **professor dumbass:** continue 

 **annoyance:** thank u penny mwah

 **annoyance:** so i was thinkin... we could all 

 **sharpay evans:** .... its been 10 minutes please finish ur sentence 

 **annoyance:** go to aggies house order a bunch of takeout and watch cody ko vids and bad romcoms n make fun of them while cudlding

 **sharpay evans:** why cody ko

 **annoyance:** hes funny

 **edward cullen **™** :** okay i'm fine with that

 **professor dumbass:** sounds like a Plan Stan

 **sharpay evans:** alrighty boys

 **sharpay evans:** _lads_

 **annoyance:** lads..... whomst r u

 **sharpay evans:** none of us are real 

 **professor dumbass:** ok before we all have existential crises can i ask something

 **edward cullen **™** :** sure

 **professor dumbass:** doesnt baz look like he'd talk with a ugly posh accent

 **edward cullen:** i revoke my sure we aren't talking about this anymore

 **annoyance:** OVERRULED 

 **annoyance:** YES HE DOES I THIKN ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME

 **annoyance:** LIKE.......................

 **sharpay evans:** I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT BEFORE BUT WHOA

 **edward cullen **™** :** i hate all of you

 **sharpay evans:** u arent a good liar

 **edward cullen **™** :** i hate you the most

 **sharpay evans:** u loooooove me 

 **annoyance:** back to the future is weird

 **annoyance:** they never go 2 the future??

 **professor dumbass:** yeah they go.. back to the future from the past

 **annoyance:** no they go back to present time from the past

 **professor dumbass:** no one would see a movie called back to present time

 **annoyance:** ok fair

 **annoyance:** WAIT i have another q

 **edward cullen **™** :** no

 **annoyance:** its not abt u this time

 **edward cullen **™** :** fine ask your question

 **annoyance:** what would yall do if aliens came 2 earth

 **sharpay evans:** OH... OH BOY 

 **sharpay evans:** WHEN ALIENS COME TO EARTH...

 **sharpay evans:** its fight or fuck tbh

 **professor dumbass:** ITS W H A T 

 **edward cullen **™** : ** _[[attachment: 1 image]](https://78.media.tumblr.com/96b427064da22a435da32452b11f9031/tumblr_p21jx7EIZw1wq6r0ko4_500.png)_

 **annoyance:** aggie r u telling me u would fuck an alien?

 **sharpay evans:** ya? if a tall strong female alien came to earth i would let her crush me 

 **edward cullen **™** :** thats just because you're gay though

 **sharpay evans:** MAYBE SO.GIF

 **annoyance:** i think i'd cry

 **sharpay evans:** if i fucked an alien?

 **annoyance:** NO IF ALEINS CAME 2 EARTH DFIFHDIF I DONT WANNA THINK ABT U FUCKIN 

 **professor dumbass:** reading this conversation just makes me want to ask: are any of you ok

 **edward cullen **™** :** no. why would you even ask that

 **professor dumbass:** i already knew that would be the answer but i still wanted to ask for clarification

 **annoyance:** i havent been ok since the world was supposed to end in 2012

 **sharpay evans:** omg i remember that shit

 **sharpay evans:** i didnt do my hw for that day bc i thought the world was going to DIE 

 **sharpay evans:** but it DIDNT and i had to do double the hw like ??? wow???/

 **edward cullen **™** :** you could've just done your homework the day it was assigned

 **sharpay evans:** now youre the comedian baz :+) haha ur so funny

 **edward cullen **™** :** but i wasn't joking

 **sharpay evans:** WOW UR A HOOT N A HOLLER!!! HA HA H A pls stop makin such funny jokes

 **professor dumbass:** sooooo love simon is coming out friday

 **annoyance:** what i said still stands... u will Not make puns abt me and my name UNTIL WE SEE THE MOVIE BC I CANT TAKE IT 

 **annoyance:** xoxo love simon

 **professor dumbass:** COWARD YOU JUST MADE A JOKE

 **sharpay evans:**  simon n the simon in the movie are the same bc simon also doesnt know how to compliment ppl and would say he likes their boots

 **edward cullen **™** :** once he tried to compliment my hair and ended up just saying "you have hair!" so you aren't wrong

 **annoyance:** ok but was i wrong? u DO have hair

 **professor dumbass:** if they made a movie abt u it would be called "simon vs the whole english language"

 **edward cullen™:** lmaoooo true  

 **annoyance:** this is biphobic

 **sharpay evans:** i hate to ask this but how

 **annoyance:** IM BI AND I DONT APPREICTA ETHIS

 **sharpay evans:** i knew you were going to say that

 **annoyance:** and yet u still asked.... u r a fool

 **edward cullen **™** :** you ever notice how we always make fun of one person at all times

 **sharpay evans:** no ive never noticed anything in my life ever

 **edward cullen **™** :** that would make a lot of sense actually

 **sharpay evans:** i will End u emo boy

 **edward cullen: **™**** you are 2ft tall i'm not scared of you

 **annoyance:** BDJBDFUEBFUREBGURFGERUIGHRETHREUITHRI

 **professor dumbass:** HEY IM SHORTER THAN AGGIE TAKE THAT BACK

 **annoyance:** u are a babey! lil one footer bby

 **professor dumbass:** _[[attachment: 1 image]](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/58/d9/11/58d9119e46b9314f83e527ae6003e662.jpg)_

 **edward cullen™:** its ok to be short penny

 **professor dumbass:** maybe im not short maybe you're just a skyscraper hmmmm

 **edward cullen™:** i'm only 6'2??

 **annoyance:** oof thats. hot

 **sharpay evans:** ok mood simon

 **professor dumbass:** UNNECESSARY HEIGHT

 **edward cullen™:** you're 5'2 ? thats short

 **annoyance:** 5'2 1/2****

 **professor dumbass:** THE HALF MATTERS

 **sharpay evans:** can we all go to bed im tired

 **annoyance:** so go to sleep?

 **sharpay evans:**  i cant bc i dont wanna miss anything duh

 **sharpay evans:**  like no offense to us but damn we talk a lot do we ever shut up

 **professor dumbass:**........

 **sharpay evans:** LETS ALL TAKE A GROUP NAP ITLL B SO CUTE

 **edward cullen™:** 1\. how is it a group nap if none of us are together 2. how the fuck is that cute

 **sharpay evans:** u all can come to my humble home to sleep and its cute bc i said so fucka u 

 **annoyance:** fucka u

 **professor dumbass:** fucka u

 **edward cullen™:** i'll come over but only for your hulu

 **sharpay evans:** perish

 **annoyance:** baz pls pick me up

 **edward cullen™:** okay

 **annoyance:** yes i love my skyscraper emo bf !

 **edward cullen™:** never mind

 **annoyance:** NO PLS

 **edward cullen™:** no

 **annoyance:** p l s 

 **edward cullen™:** okay

 **annoyance:** WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **sharpay evans:** k im going to bed see u all in my dreams xoxoxox

 **professor dumbass:** this whole conversation felt like a terrible fever dream

 **annoyance:** thats how it is in this bitch of a world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can u tell i wrote this while having a mental breakdown ???? 
> 
>  until next time y'all!! (prolly in 3 weeks when im on spring break lmao)
> 
> comments n kudos are rly appreciated!!!


	10. baz is the gay emo cousin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon changes all of their names, Baz is quizzed on his siblings, Agatha is distraught, and Penny is just here for it all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u know i would create an excuse for not updating but the truth is i’m too lazy to so. ya! sry it took me like 2 months hjdfb
> 
>  
> 
> key:  
> ramen noodle hair/annoyance/psy men - simon  
> 2006 MCR/boz - baz  
> professor dumbass/pen knee - penny  
> agaytha - agatha

**ramen noodle hair:** hey!!!!! can we play 20 questions

**2006 MCR:** we've been friends for 4 years and dating for 8 months

**ramen noodle hair:** i know

**ramen noodle hair:** can we play 20 questions tho

**2006 MCR:** fine

**ramen noodle hair:** k cool thanks i'll go first

**ramen noodle hair:**  are the cullens technically furries bc theyre vampires? or is bella a furry for wanting to fuck edward 

**2006 MCR:**  goodbye i'm blocking you forever

* * *

  **annoyance:** whats up funky bunch

**professor dumbass:** that was a good one

**annoyance:** ty it took me 12 days to come up with

**professor dumbass:** one of ur best works if i do say so myself

**annoyance:**  ALSO it took me a week 2 come up w these new names for us bc these ones r old

_[annoyance changed professor dumbass's name to 'pen knee']_

_[annoyance changed edward cullen's name to 'boz']_

**boz:** why?

**annoyance:** its funny!!!!

**boz:** sure it is

**annoyance:** let me finish b4 u complain sir :/

_[annoyance changed sharpay evans's name to 'agaytha']_

**pen knee:** ndjfndjfnjf 

_[annoyance changed annoyance's name to 'psy men']_

**psy men:** DONE

**psy men:** thots?

**agaytha:** u have become the president of the universe 4 these amazing names

**psy men:** thank u

**psy men:** yall dnfjhdfi u know that mikayla girl

**pen knee:** the one who stares at us in apush

**psy men:** YA HER

**psy men:**  she came up 2 me w thst one girl she talks to in apush right

**psy men:** n they randomly just told me they call us scientologists bc its hard to talk to us when were around each other

**psy men:** i had 2 hold bck from SCREAMNGI 

**boz:** tom cruise is a scientologist 

**agaytha:**  baz why do u know that

**boz:** its common knowledge at this point 

**agaytha:** right my b

**pen knee:** thats literally AMAZING 

**pen knee:** changing the gc name to scientologists now

_[pen knee changed the group name to 'scientologists']_

**agaytha:** i just got called straight 

**agaytha:** i am going t o CYR I AM A GAY ALEBSBIAN

**agaytha:** this is SLANDER

**boz:** who called you straight lmfaoo

**agaytha:** ETHAN

**boz:**  i have no clue who that is

**agaytha:** HES IN MY AP PSYCH CLASS AND HE CALLED ME S T R A I GHT

**psy men:** like how the ght are all 2gether 

**pen knee:** ok but how did he call you het

**agaytha:** we were talkin abt dating and i said i couldnt date anyone younger than me

**agaytha:** n then this HOE goes "ya its weird when the guy is younger than the girl"

**agaytha:** i got Whiplash from how quick i turned to look at him n was like what? what did u just say to me?

**agaytha:** and i screamed IM A LESBIAN ETHAN and the class got quiet and then started clappin??????

**pen knee:**  THEY CLAPPED FOR YOU FDNJFNDKJ

**psy men:** @baz ethan is literally on ur football team wyd

**boz:** ohhhh him

**agaytha:** dont i look gay...... i think i look gay

**boz:** do you want the truth

**agaytha:** yes pls

**pen knee:** dont do this to her

**psy men:** how r u gonna kick her when shes already down

**boz:** you look straight

**psy men:** NO

**psy men:** i mean ya u do but 

**psy men:** nvm u look straight

**agaytha:** N

**agaytha:** O

_[agaytha left 'scientologists']_

**pen knee:** u couldnt have let her live in oblivion

**boz:** she asked and i gave her an answer

**psy men:** u couldve lied

**boz:** she said she wanted the truth

**psy men:** ur right But i dont like it

**boz:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**psy men:** press f 2 pay respects

**pen knee:** f

**boz:** f

**pen knee:** can we hang out tonight

**pen knee:** wait

_[pen knee added agaytha to 'scientologists']_

**pen knee:** can we hang out 2nite

**agaytha:** no i look straight

**psy men:** AGATHSKBKWDN WE ALL LOOK STRAIGHT

**pen knee:** you looked straight every other time we hung out whats ur point 

**agaytha:** _[[attachment: 1 image]](https://78.media.tumblr.com/4c0f31f2962b8c0172c176bf9b5fe5b7/tumblr_ozxozccReM1w6ljvjo5_1280.png)_

**boz:**  snow speak for yourself

**psy men:** *except baz bc he radiates chaotic gay energy

**agaytha:** FINE 

**agaytha:** but were going 2 bazs :)

**boz:** who said that

**pen knee:** BONEFIRE!!!!!!!!!!!

**boz:** ..........

**psy men:** PENNY,,, NO

**agaytha:** [those r My bones u bitch](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CxzsB2TXcAA_yhv.jpg) :o

**pen knee:** all of u PERISH 

**pen knee:**  U KNOW I MEANT BONFIRE

**boz:** actually kinda liking the idea of a bonefire? thoughts?

**psy men:** *thots

**boz:** nope

**agaytha:** proof baz is a vampy

**psy men:** wtf did u just call my man

**agaytha:** a vampy? can u read 

**agyatha:** sorry thats a vampire for the uneducated xoxo

**boz:** not this again for the love of all things holy

**pen knee:** we get it baz is a vampire and simon is in love with him 

**psy men:** U MAKE IT OSUND LIKE ITS NOT MUTUAL BAZ TELL PENNY IT IS

**boz:** hm, what?

**psy men:** HEY NOW

**boz:** hey now this is what dreams are made of

**agaytha:** not to b sad n single in the main chat

**agaytha:** but when will i get a gf

**boz:** maybe you should try talking to girls

**agaytha:** girls r beautiful and terrifying

**psy men:** so r u so thats a moo point

**pen knee:** moot point

**psy men:** no moo

**pen knee:** cows go moo

**psy men:** yes and its called a moo point 

**psy men:** u cant trick me my brains FASHIONABLE N FIERCE!

**boz:** i love you

**psy men:** _[[attachment: 1 image]](https://78.media.tumblr.com/e7807ba102247a66bd5210e18e062195/tumblr_p1xwugkPRh1wi8pzpo8_250.jpg)_

**pen knee:** IS THIS ALLOWED.VINE

**agaytha:**  .vine i hate u sm cdjnfd

**boz:** homophobia :/

**agaytha:** to quote the ever so beautiful agatha wellbelove who deserves a gf, "i'm a lesbian ethan"

**boz:** _[[attachment: 1 image]](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cb9bhRCWwAIYdv-.jpg)_

**agaytha:** LEAVE ME ALONE

**psy men:**  petition 2 stop makin fun of aggie while shes fragile bc she looks str8

**agaytha:** DNJHJFDKJFFNJKFNE

**psy men:** signed by 1 person: me

**agaytha:** ty :') my son

**agaytha:** ok but were all rly going to bazs right

**pen knee:** yes

**boz:** i mean i guess

**boz:** is the plan to just have a bonfire?

**pen knee:** well no but thats my main priority

**pen knee:** can we have smores

**boz:** i have no marshmallows or graham crackers

**pen knee:** i will buy both

**boz:** then yes we can

**agaytha:** will my kiddos be there 

**boz:** they aren't your kids

**boz:** but yes

**agaytha:** no i birthed mordelia, adrianna, luna, AND remus

**pen knee:** luna is so cute how is she related to baz

**boz:** first of all rude

**boz:** second of all we have the same father and you know this

**pen knee:** but shes nice and colorful and your broody and monochrome

**boz:** shes like 6

**psy men:** shes 7 now babe

**boz:** she's like 7

**agaytha:** u not knowing how old ur sibs r is so fuckin funny

**boz:** not true i know how old all of them are

**agaytha:** how old is mordelia

**boz:** 9

**pen knee:** simon can you confirm or refute

**psy men:** hes right

**pen knee:** hm ok

**agaytha:** and what abt adrianna

**boz:** 7

**psy men:** yeah

**boz:** remus is 10 months

**pen knee:** it took u 10 minutes to send that

**agaytha:** eyes emoji detective emoji

**boz:** i got distracted by something

**psy men:** hi im something 

**psy men:** also hes right

**agaytha:** wait u two r together

**psy men:** have been for the past 8 mnths

**agaytha:** choke 

**agaytha:** i meant rn u thot

**psy men:** yea

**pen knee:** did u tell baz the ages

**psy men:** no

**psy men:** luna and adrianna r twins so thats how he got tht one

**psy men:** mordelias had both of us @ her 9th bday party

**psy men:** idk how he knew remus

**boz:** because i'm an attentive older brother

**psy men:**  adrianna called ur name for 15 minutes and u kept asking me if it was the wind

**pen knee:** UDIWNDKNSJFNDJGFNJGNFD

**boz:** i don't recall

**psy men:** ok im sure u dont

**agaytha:** i want siblings im joining ur family baz

**boz:** applications for family members are closed

**agaytha:** homophobia :/

**boz:** *kim k voice* tragic!

**pen knee:** u just got murdered by an old man aggie hows it feel

**psy men:** guess who just got MURDERED!

**agaytha:** none of u talk to me ever again

**psy men:** dont b like that

**boz:** when are y'all coming over

**psy men:** im already here

**boz:** not you

**psy men:** i was jus answering ur question 

**pen knee:** uhhhhhh like fuckin 7:47

**boz:** 7:47? why 47

**pen knee:** not going to lie i just picked a random time

**boz:** ok are you bringing aggie or do i need to pick her up

**pen knee:** can you do that

**boz:**  yeah i'll get her

**pen knee:** cool she spilled rice in my car 2 days ago and i banished her for a week

**agaytha:** U HIT THE BREAKS

**pen knee:** THERE WAS A TURTLE IN THE ROAD

**psy men:** oooo turtles

**agaytha:** OK WELL

**boz:** are you guys done? is this over?

**pen knee:** yes

**agaytha:**  baz do i have to bring sweatpants or will u give me urs

**boz:** i have a pair you can borrow

**agaytha:** thanks for providing me w my life

**boz:** nope

**agaytha:** one day u will say ur welcome

**psy men:** stop fighting ur tearing this family apart 

**pen knee:** if we were a family i'd be the vodka aunt

**psy men:** im thw weird dad

**pen knee:** baz is the gay emo cousin

**agaytha:** does that make me the wine mom??

**psy men:** ya

**boz:** my favorite thing is to have intellectual, meaningful conversations with my friends 

**psy men:** nvr had 1 of those in my life

**psy men:** but go off ig

**boz:** also why am i the gay emo cousin

**pen knee:** have you met yourself

**boz:** no and i hope i never do

**psy men:** thts why ur emo babe

**boz:** fair point

**agaytha:** baz come pick me up im gay and lonely

**boz:** aren't we all

**agaytha:** ok edgelord 

**boz:** its a 45 min walk 

**agaytha:** i take that back pls pick me up

**boz:** oh OH oh o h okay i see how it is

**pen knee:** aggie ill be at your house in 10

**agaytha:** but u said

**pen knee:** and i lied

**boz:** i hate both of you

**psy men:** baz and i are busy come back l8r

**pen knee:** stop having sex and hang out with us!!!!

**psy men:** do u think im skilled enough to text during sex

**boz:** he's not

**psy men:** FUCKA U 

**agaytha:** NSIDWHDIEWHFIOEFHRKFNREKLFJREK

**psy men:** as i was saying b4 i was RUDELY INTERRUPTED

**boz:** lmao

**psy men:** were playing twister and its intense lassies

**agaytha:** you're playing twister... with 2 people?

**psy men:** precisely 

**agaytha:** just say ur fuckin and move on omg

**psy men:** no were playing twister

**boz:** we really are

**pen knee:** do you expect us to believe you

**boz:** to be honest? nope

**boz:** but since we are literally doing that

**boz:** yes

**psy men:** i snapped u a pic of it

**agaytha:** DONT SNAP DURING SEX???? 

**agaytha:** AND THEN SEND THEM TO US

**agaytha:** oh ur actually playing it one at a time

**psy men:** YES OMG

**boz:** its intense 

**psy men:** its twister w ghosts if they wanna join :3

**boz:** furry emoji??? why

**agaytha:** furry emojeiorhiebrfjebr

**psy men:** its Not just 4 furries u uncultured swine

**boz:** cool i'm dating a furry

**psy men:** no!!!!!!!!!!!

**boz:** if i'm a vampire, are you a furry for wanting to date me?

**psy men:** U CANT BRING THIS UP WHEN U DIDNT ANSWER WHEN I ASKED ABT BELLA ANS EDWARD

**agaytha:** simon snow confirmed furry

**psy men:** stop!!! ://///////// no!

**pen knee:** wait you asked baz if bella would be a furry for wanting to date edward?

**psy men:** not rly

**psy men:** i said fuck but baz made it more well rounded

**boz:** he asked me that when i said yes to 20 questions

**psy men:** stop exposing our convos ednjewbjeb

**boz:** context is needed

**agaytha:** ima keep it real with u chief... context wouldnt have made any of that make sense

**pen knee:** aggie im almost at your house

**agaytha:** o cool wanna do facemaks while baz n si finish forking?

**pen knee:** sure

**psy men:**  THAT ONE WHITE WOMEN VINE WHERE SHE SCREAMS NO WHILE NICKI IS PLAYING.VID

**pen knee:** aggie i'm here

**agaytha:** u guys have 45 mins to finish :) ENJOY

**psy men:** WE R 2 BROS PLAYING TWISTER 5 FT APART ND WE ARE GAY 

**pen knee:** gonna buy a valid stamp and mark your forehead bc you are valid my good boy

**boz:**  can i just say from the bottom of my heart: what the fuck happened in the last 5 minutes

**agaytha:**  we all met our maker and now we have to wear our clown shoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the scientologist thing actually happened to me and my friends like a week ago lol
> 
> see u all in 2 more months (joking but not rly dbfjbd)
> 
> comments n kudos r greatly appreciated <33333333


	11. one direction made me gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon wants to learn about One Direction and realizes he made a Big Mistake and Agatha has a crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen i fuckin MISS one direction so i dedicated a WHOLE CHAPTER to them well 2/3 of a chapter but STILL
> 
> also listened to their whole discography again :~)
> 
> key:  
> psy men - simon  
> pen knee - penny  
> agaytha - agatha  
> boz - baz

**psy men:** hey gays educate me on 1d

 **pen knee:** wait are you being serious

 **psy men:** ya tell me abt those funky british men

 **agaytha:** *british and irish

 **psy men:** xcuse me ma'am 

 **agaytha:** niall is irish 

 **psy men:** whom

 **boz:** the blonde one

 **psy men:** o cool

 **psy men:** who r the others dkdhjkf

 **pen knee:** do you know who harry is

 **psy men:** perhapeth

 **boz:** the curly haired one

 **psy men:** O him yes

 **boz:** zayn left on march 25th 2015

 **boz:** not that im upset over it anymore haha but he's the one w the quiff?? or like blonde streak

 **agaytha:** FORBIDDEN DAY

 **agaytha:** liam is the one that looks like a golden retriever

 **pen knee:** louis is the last one who has the best solo music

 **agaytha:** ok facts but dont disrespect my king niall like that

 **psy men:** whats their best album??? song?? 

 **boz:** oh shit thats hitting hard

 **boz:** for me its take me home and what a feeling

 **psy men:** notes emoji pencil emoji

 **agaytha:** bro dont flame me for this

 **agaytha:** fuckin up all night and taken

 **boz:** ....up all night.... i mean it had some great songs wont lie 

 **pen knee:** MIDNIGHT MEMORIES.... HAPPILY

 **psy men:** why is it in caps jdfhdkf

 **pen knee:** BECAUSE IM RIGHT

 **boz:** wait i have two because i just remembered how amazing four was and still is

 **pen knee:** fools gold went OFF 

 **agaytha:** clouds changed my life and when they opened with it i went to the astral plane

 **psy men:** i have created a monster o No 

 **psy men:** im a dumb gay frakenstein 

 **boz:** i'm listening to change my mind and if they don't come back in 2019 i'm suing the earth

 **psy men:** i put their discography on shuffle n same mistakes came on? is it a good sonh

 **agaytha:** WE'LL PLAY PLAY PLAY ALL THE SAME OLD GAMES

 **pen knee:** AND WE WAIT WAIT WAIT FOR THE END TO CHANGE

 **boz:** AND WE TAKE TAKE TAKE IT FOR GRANTED THAT WE'LL BE THE SAME 

 **agaytha:** BUT WERE MAKING ALL THE SAME MISTAKES

 **pen knee:** ok uan has some bangers

 **psy men:** drag me down is next wht r the thots?

 **boz:**  eh

 **psy men:** NJDHSJDEWHJFEJGHRIGHI

 **psy men:** can i skip it

 **boz:** yea

 **agaytha:** no listen to nialls part

 **psy men:** do u like niall a lot

 **agaytha** : is it obvious bc i want it to be obvious

 **psy men:** this is y ethan called u str8

 **agaytha:** if it werent for the fact that ur listening to my kings i would slaughter u 

 **psy men:** xoxo

 **boz:** what song is playing now

 **psy men:** idk its long give me a sec

 **psy men:** dont 4get where u belong

 **boz:** thats a good song

 **pen knee:** mm is a good album

 **pen knee:** it deserved better

 **psy men:** go awf queen

 **psy men** : it sounds emotional oof no thx

 **psy men:** ill keep listenin tho

 **agaytha:** god ur a virgin i wish

 **pen knee:** AGATHA WELLBELOVE 

 **psy men:** aggie is there smth u would like 2 share w the class

 **agaytha:** I MEANT A 1D VIRGIN BJDFBJDKFN

 **boz:** chaotic energy in this here right now

 **boz:** is dfwyb still on

 **psy men:** yea

 **boz:** whats next

 **psy men:** more than this

 **agaytha:** OH WORM? MY SONG

 **psy men:** worm worm wormy womr wmomsrs

 **pen knee:** indeed my good boy!

 **psy men:** MOOD IS UHHH WHOEVER OPENING THE SONG W "IM BROKEN"

 **boz:** liam is actually you

 **psy men:** explain

 **boz:** [hes illiterate](https://twitter.com/liampayne/status/85265317030408193?lang=en)

 **psy men:** unexplain

 **boz:** no refunds

 **psy men:** drats!

 **boz:** just how it is in this bitch of a world

 **pen knee:** WAIT

 **pen knee:** I AM A GENUIS

 **boz:** we knew this information already what's your point 

 **pen knee:** SHUT UP BAZ

 **boz:** rude but ok

 **pen knee:** MEET AT MY HOUSE ITS A ONE DIRECTION NIGHT BOYS

 **boz:** what

 **pen knee:** we cant educate simon on the boys if we dont show him the uan tour movie, the video diaries, this is us, or the wwa tour diary

 **boz:** [fuck we are under attack](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cr8d4cdXgAIuAB4.jpg)

 **agaytha:** THE VIDEO DIARIES.... MY GAY LITTLE HEART

 **psy men:** wht r those

 **boz:** video diaries they made while on the x factor

 **psy men:** they were on the x factor?????

 **boz:** yeah they came in 3rd place

 **psy men:** THEY DIDNT WIN?? Y R THEY FAMOUS

 **agaytha:** bc theyre talented?? arent u listening to them rn

 **agaytha:** why would you ask such a stupid question

 **psy men:** i like this one dudes voice th best idk who it is

 **boz:** whats one of his verses from the song you're listening to rn 

 **psy men:** u can not

 **boz:** sadly i probably can

 **psy men:** uhh writen on these walls r the colors tht i cant change

 **boz:** niall

 **agaytha:** THATS MY BF NIALL

 **pen knee:** neil horn

 **psy men:** yall r freaky

 **pen knee:** have you ever seen that tumblr post abt not doing drugs but being in the 1d fandom and it being virtually the same?

 **psy men:** no???

 **pen knee:** let me find it

 **agaytha:** one direction took ALL of my brain and left me w 1/16th of a working brain

 **boz:** you poor baby

 **psy men:** last first kiss is on

 **psy men:** thisis the song i have a vid of baz singing

 **boz:** delete it

 **psy men:** no its cute

 **boz:** i am frightening and mean not cute

 **psy men:** u r a little babie 

 **boz:** i will destroy you

 **psy men:** awwwww ur so adorable !!

 **boz:** i have a reputation to uphold stop

 **pen knee:** WAIT [heres the post](http://luisabeccaria.tumblr.com/post/163892212602/picoboulevard-ive-never-done-meth-but-i-was-a) fnejfnjk

 **agaytha:** i havent worn my retainer for 3 weeks and my teeth hurt ngjfngkf

 **boz:** a mess

 **agaytha:** i sure am!!!!!

 **psy men:** r we rly going to pennys bc

 **psy men:** whatever song just started is makin me a lil emo

 **boz:** they have that effect just learn to accept it

 **boz:** one direction made me gay 

 **agaytha:** did u just say what i think u said or can i not read

 **boz:** you cant read in general but yeah i said it 

 **boz:** i realized i was gay because of my attraction to niall 

 **agaytha:** oh my fuckin GOD she fuckin dead

 **agaytha:** im she

 **pen knee:** baz you are So valid 

 **psy men:** whats niall look like

 **agaytha:** WAIT BAZ DO YOU HAVE A TYPE BC

 **boz:** agatha stop talking forever challenge!

 **pen knee:** FJDHFJDGJF HOW DIDNT WE NOTICE BEFORE

 **boz:** both of you will die by my hand

 **boz:** also niall is brunette, so no i don't have a type

 **pen knee:** he spent a good chunk of his life blonde 

 **boz:** i dont want to be apart of this narrative anymore

 **agaytha:** heres my mans niall :)

 **agaytha:** [[attachment: 1 image]](https://s8.favim.com/orig/72/blonde-cute-harry-styles-liam-payne-Favim.com-699682.jpg)

 **psy men:** idgi wdym baz has a type

 **pen knee:** are you being serious right now 

 **psy men:** ya??

 **agaytha:** what color is nialls hair and eyes in that pic 

 **psy men:** blonde and blue??

 **agaytha:** what color are your hair and eyes

 **psy men:** blonde and blue

 **psy men:** OHHHHHHHHH ok i see

 **boz:** first of all stop

 **psy men:** its ok its cute

 **boz:** i'm suing you for slander 

 **psy men:** im v flattered ty :~)

 **boz:** go listen to one direction

 **psy men:** i AM little black dress is on

 **agaytha:** i forgot that song existed dhjefhej

 **boz:** fake fan

 **agaytha:** die ?

 **boz:** no thanks

 **agaytha:** ok

 **agaytha:** simon skip that song

 **psy men:** simon says okay

 **psy men:** f?reproof

 **pen knee:** bump that shit

 **psy men:** she sounds neat

 **boz:** just to be clear we aren't going to pennys right

 **pen knee:** i GUESS not you're all fakes

 **agaytha:** its 3 am and im a lesbian

 **pen knee:** youve been at my house at 3 am while also lesbian before?

 **agaytha:** sry *a lesbian who cant drive

 **pen knee:** hm ok

 **psy men:** happily is playing? is this the shit that gets yall going

 **pen knee:** that song took my BONES 

 **psy men:** ur boneless :(

 **pen knee:** happens to the best of us

 **agaytha:** nah taken and truly madly deeply gets me going

 **boz:** don't ever disrespect over again like that in this gc ever again

 **psy men:** can i skip best song ever

 **boz:** if you want to

 **psy men:** i want to! bye best song ever

 **boz:** just listen to over again already 

 **psy men:** fine u bitch

 **psy men:** this sounds sad ABORT

 **agaytha:** hole in the middle of my heart like a polo

 **agaytha:** we love a rhyming sister

 **boz:** stop talking forever?

 **agaytha:** declined

 **boz:** fine

 **psy men:** ngl this song is... good

 **psy men:** o taken is on

 **agaytha:** geniuses know this is their best song

 **pen knee:** is it? 

 **agaytha:** I SAID WHAT I SAID

 **boz:** are we going to pride next weekend

 **agaytha:** YA i wanna see cute girls n buy gay shit

 **boz:** okay

 **psy men:** THIS SONG BANGS 

 **psy men** : o ya i wnt 2 go 

 **agaytha:** I SEE... YOU ARE A MAN OF CULTURE 

 **pen knee:** is that a real question baz

 **boz:** considering i asked it yes it is

 **pen knee:** i hate you but yes

 **pen knee:** you're driving though

 **boz:** ??????? who said that 

 **agaytha:** i vote baz to drive

 **agaytha:** simon say u do too

 **psy men:** y

 **psy men:** es

 **agaytha:** k ur driving djfdnjn

 **agaytha** : ANYWAYS i have .. issues pls help

 **boz:** what issues

 **agaytha:** i have a c*ush on my coworker

 **boz:** why did you censor crush

 **agaytha:** ITS SCARY DUH

 **agaytha:** BAZ BE SUPPORTIVE IM DYINH

 **boz:** 1\. i am supportive 2. you aren't dying

 **agaytha:** thats where UR WRONG! SHES SO CUTE??????

 **agaytha:** she brings me coffee when we work 2gether and she sings in spanish while watering the plants!!!!!! HWBSDJBD

 **psy men:** sis r u ok

 **agaytha:** NO

 **pen knee:** whats her name

 **agaytha:**  iliana :((((((

 **pen knee:** why the sad emoji

 **agaytha:** its a CUTE NAME 

 **boz:** is she the one with the curly hair?

 **agaytha:** yes 

 **agaytha:** isnt she cute

 **boz:** i'm gay

 **agaytha:** U CAN STILL JUDGE ATTRACTIVENESS 

 **boz:** yes she's cute

 **boz:** ask her out

 **agaytha:** I WOULD IF I COULD

 **agaytha:** she has acrylics so she has 2 be single 

 **psy men:** AGGIE FNDSJFBDJFBED

 **agaytha:** WHAT? ITS THE TRUTH

 **agaytha** : stop making fun of me and HELP ME GET THIS GIRL TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME

 **pen knee:** just be yourself

 **agaytha:** that advice sucks major dick

 **psy men:** go up to her and say nya :3 and u got urself a girl

 **boz:** just flat out propose to her

 **agaytha:** all of u are HOES who will meet ur maker soon for this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY PRIDE MONTH IM GAY!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> wrow finally getting aggies love life kickin..... are u proud??? anyways im sorry for the one direction talk but im also not! since its pride month im updating twice in one week... ur welcome xoxo
> 
>  **PSA:** if u wanna talk 2 me n b friends hmu [here!](http://mcttholts.tumblr.com) :~)
> 
> kudos n comments make my day ty ! <33


	12. the sacrifice is complete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agatha is coping with her crush, and it's a normal day for the others

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? updating 2 days in a row?? who am i call the police i've been replaced
> 
> key:   
> psy men - simon  
> pen knee - penny  
> agaytha/thoticus prime - agatha  
> boz/goth king - baz

**boz:** simon and john mulaney are the same person discuss below

 **pen knee:** accurate point but may i point out one thing: john mulaney is the male agatha as well

 **boz:** interesting, may i add to your point?

 **pen knee:** why of course

 **boz:** simon and agatha are the same person

 **pen knee:** oh! a new angle, may i ask how you came to this idea?

 **boz** : actually yes i have years of evidence starting with

 **psy men:** U CAN STOP NOW WE GET IT

 **agaytha:** SIMON N I ARE NOT THE SAME ! U WILL DIE BY MY HAND

 **psy men:** lil babey aggie threatenin ppl awww :,)

 **agaytha:** knife emoji x12

 **psy men:** i cnt believe we graduated??? wtf im literally 2 yrs old

 **pen knee:** more like 1 1/2 but continue

 **psy men:** DISRES[ECTFUL

 **boz:** what are our summer plans

 **psy men:** eat ass suck a dick sell drugs!

 **pen knee:** listen to dancing queen in the dark for 72 hours

 **agaytha:** meet god and fight him for ruining ur life

 **boz:** cool so i'm finding new friends this summer

 **psy men:** fake u r 

 **boz:** hm not quite

 **pen knee:** today is the day simon becomes apart of my family

 **psy men:** i am not prepared

 **pen knee:** ready to be in a car with my siblings and parents for 6 hours

 **psy men:** abusoliute no

 **agaytha:** o yeah u guys are going to that fair thingy

 **agaytha:** have fun !!!!!!

 **pen knee:** thanks queen 

 **psy men:** i cnt wait 2 fill myself on fair food YORM 

* * *

 **thoticus prime:** bazzie boy

 **goth king:** what

 **thoticus prime:** want 2 hang out or am i 2 ugly

 **goth king:** too ugly bye!

 **goth king:** jk ill come over 

 **thoticus prime:** yesss we can watch the staircase n gossip :~)

 **goth king:** do you want five guys or chipotle 

 **thoticus prime:**  give me them guys pls

 **goth king:** alr ill be there in 20 

 **thoticus prime:** :~)))) love u bestie boo

 **goth king:** not calling you that

* * *

 **psy men:** i walked into pennys house n her n pacey were aruging already dbfjsb

 **boz:** whats new

 **agaytha:** ndjdsndjs truly 

 **agaytha:** poll: brockhampton, boy pablo, or rex orange county

 **psy men:** brockhampton bc pride month

 **agaytha:** an intellectual

 **agaytha:** uhhhh c*ush update: we have a streak on sc

 **pen knee:** whens the wedding

 **psy men:** true love

 **agaytha:** ALL U HOES HAVE BFS... U DONY UNDERSTAND ANYMORE

 **boz:** what are we making fun of agatha for

 **psy men:** LMDSINDAJSIDBSJAB

 **psy men:** pennys fam is rly playin shrek 2 huh

 **pen knee:** use ur headphones and watch netflix

 **psy men:** noi like shrek

 **pen knee:** hm

 **psy men:** u cant act like its not a cinematic masterpiece

 **boz:** it isn't but carry on 

 **psy men:** baz i love u but ur wrong

 **boz:** i love you too but youre wrong about me being wrong

 **pen knee:** we arent doing this

 **agaytha:** theres NO MILK IN MY HOUSE

 **agaytha:** i want cereal 

 **psy men:** depression meal

 **agaytha:** gonna put an ad on craiglist 4 some milk

 **pen knee:** AGGIE NO

 **agaytha:** IM KIDDNINSFNSFN

 **agaytha:** IDKHOW TO WORK CRAIGLIST

 **boz:** why are you trying to make cereal when i just bought you five guys

 **agaytha:** o i forgot

 **boz:** troubling but okay

 **agaytha:** im just chilling on my kitchen floor eating dry frosted flakes

 **pen knee:** valid

 **agaytha:** ty queen :')

 **psy men:** frosted flakes sounds sogoododjdo

 **agaytha:** penny n simon come get yall flakes

 **psy men:** DJSBDDSBJD

 **pen knee:**  rip that stove 

 **psy men:** aggie pewwish :3

 **agaytha:** we got a furry over here boys

 **pen knee:** put him in a cell and throw the key away

 **psy men:** furryphobes 

 **boz:** i'm furryphobic that shit is ugly

 **psy men:** wrow even my boyf too  >:(

 **boz:** furries are a fat No from me

 **psy men:** :(((( 

 **boz:** love you though

 **psy men:** ilyt!!!!!

 **pen knee:** aggie that could be you and iliana but ur a coward

 **agaytha:** ALEXA KILL THIS CLOWN

 **pen knee:** NBDJWJHREU

 **agaytha:** baz r u HERE im hungry and vulnerable bc of penny

 **boz:** yes and what do you want me to do about that

 **agaytha:** HELLO????? HOLD ME??

 **boz:**  no?

 **agaytha:** yes?

 **psy men:** i wanna cuddle now...penn..y.....

 **pen knee:**  ok 

 **agaytha:**  baz that could b us but u hate me 

 **psy men:** shrek looks like he'd b a good cuddler

 **agaytha:** its hotter than satans balls outside bro

 **pen knee:** its summer??

 **agaytha:** r u a meteorologist now

 **pen knee:** yes

 **agaytha:**  weather forecasters r quaking 

 **boz:** iliana just snapped aggie and she dropped her fries oh my god

 **agaytha:** DONT EXPOSE ME

 **boz:** too late

 **pen knee:** AWWWW

 **psy men:** u r a goner now huh

 **agaytha:** yep!

 **agaytha:** i feel like that pic of john lennon walkin like a jackass

 **psy men:** BSHJKSDHW????? WHAT

 **agaytha:** HAVE U NOT SEEN IT B4

 **agaytha:** _[[attachment: 1 image]](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/018/964/azhhafq.jpg)_

 **psy men:** y he WLAKIN like that noooosbjbsjdbwd

 **pen knee:**  thats not human

 **boz:** why did i find 3 of my sweatshirts in agathas laundry room

 **agaytha:** i stole them 

 **boz:** why

 **agaytha:** u got comfy nice clothes?

 **boz:** fishy but sure

 **psy men:** i have like 5 pairs of his sweatpants its ok aggie

 **boz:** wait what

 **psy men:** ya?? did u not notice

 **boz:** no?

 **psy men** : ur DUMN ive had them for 5mo

 **boz:** oh okay well you can keep them

 **psy men:** thx i was going to jbfjebf

 **pen knee:** baz has rich clothes

 **boz:** what

 **agaytha:** tru homeboy is wearin gucci in my home like its nothin

 **boz:** shut up djsbdjdb

 **psy men:** wait,,,take pics im ga?y

 **pen knee:** what gucci tho

 **agaytha:** ill take gud pics after we finish eating and lemme find it on their site

 **boz:** all of you are the bane of my existence 

 **agaytha:** hes wearin [THIS](https://www.gucci.com/us/en/pr/men/mens-ready-to-wear/new-sweatshirts-hoodies/guccihallucination-print-sweatshirt-p-469250X3P771082?position=3&listName=VariationOverlay) in my HOME'/???

 **boz:** i didn't buy it myself ???

 **agaytha:** ik but still like u r TOO RICH FOR ME

 **boz:** ndsjbjfb sure

 **psy men:** he prolly looks hawt as shit rn 

 **psy men:** bls take the fuckin pic aggie im dyingfnj

 **agaytha:** hes EATING im EATING but fine

 **agaytha:** u r dramatic

 **psy men:** aggi mtbhands r shakintake the PIC

 **pen knee:** baz get me gucci

 **boz:** let me purchase it with my monopoly money

 **pen knee:** your generosity is appreciated 

 **agaytha:** i sent the pic 

 **agaytha:** simon is a diaster bi

 **boz:** you're a disaster lesbian 

 **agaytha:** what no

 **pen knee:** you are tho

 **agaytha:** :( penny is a distinguished pan 

 **pen knee:** yes yes i am

 **boz:** i'm a functional gay

 **psy men** : u r both a functional and disaster gay im sry

 **boz:** fair

 **pen knee:** i could Fuck up some cheez its right now

 **psy men:** stop talkin abt food ur gonna bring out my inner gobllin

 **agaytha:** g........ob....lnin

 **psy men:** discrimination free zone aggie

 **agaytha:** the big man in the attic heard what u said 

 **psy men:** isnt the phrase the big man upstairs

 **agaytha:** mayhaps

 **agaytha:** but im also brainless so whomst to say

 **psy men:** kin

 **boz:** vote: is string cheese nasty

 **psy men:** NO??????????

 **agaytha:** no 

 **pen knee:** yes

 **boz:** penny is my favorite the rest of you suck

 **psy men:** string cheese s=is good

 **pen knee:** ima be real with u chief.. its bad

 **boz:** they are too hard to open to be good

 **agaytha:** u r just dumb

 **boz:** wrong

 **agaytha:** WRONG!

 **psy men:** i want a dog

 **pen knee:** its bc youre a furry

 **agaytha:** JIODOHSKJJKDJKSFB

 **psy men:** stop!!!!!1!!!!!! it bc they r cute

 **boz:** same 

 **psy men:** ok but big dog ?

 **boz:** small dogs are weird so yeah

 **pen knee:** snowbaz both want dogs...

 **boz:** that name is so fucking ugly penny please

 **agaytha:** dare i say.... snowbaz getting dogs in their future

 **psy men:** german shepards only or fight 2 death

 **boz:** okay

 **psy men:** :)

 **psy men:** hey aggie this could be you and iliana bu

 **boz:** wow i cant believe agatha killed him before he could finish his sentence

 **agaytha:** NDJSHDJSBFJBFJHB IM TAKIN THIS TO HR.... U WILL RUE THE DAY

 **pen knee:** were at a rest stop and it feels good to have legs again

 **agaytha:** whered ur legs go

 **psy men:** we took em off 4 comfort 

 **agaytha:** ah i see

 **agaytha:** so ur a leggy boy again

 **psy men:** i am a leggy boy

 **pen knee:** leggy boy

 **boz:** leggy boy

 **psy men:** leggy boy

 **agaytha:** do i say it

 **boz:** yes

 **agaytha:** leggy boy 

 **psy men:** the sacrifice is complete 

 **pen knee:**  hey guys... i can't stop thinking about how i hear the drums echoing tonight

 **boz:** no

 **pen knee:** and that she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation

 **boz:** stop it

 **agaytha:**  just thinkin about how shes coming in 12:30 flight and how the moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me toward salvation

boz: shut up challenge! 

 **pen knee:** or how i stopped an old man along the way hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies..

boz: lets not do this

 **pen knee:** he turned to me as if to say "hurry boy its waiting there for you" 

 **boz:** both of you? blocked

 **psy men:** ITS GNNA TAKE A LOT 2 TAKE ME AWAY FRM U THERES NOTHIN THAT A HUNDRED MEN OR MORE CLD EVER DO...

 **boz:**  i just let out the biggest sigh ever 

 **psy men:** I BLESS THE RAINS DOWN IN AFRICA

boz: fine i guess this is happening

 **agaytha:** I BLESS THE RAINS DOWN IN AFRICa

 **pen knee:** I BLESS THE RAINS DOWN IN AFRICA

 **boz:** ......gonna take some time do the things we never had

 **pen knee:** YES BAZ

 **pen knee:** OKAY VERSE 2 NOW 

 **boz:** ENOUGH LEAVE TOTO ALONE

 **agaytha:**  sry baz i couldnt hear u bc the wild dogs cry out in the night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i edited this while listening to africa by toto on repeat


	13. this is twink on twink crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're all a mess and a half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so unfunny lololol SORRY #isuck + fun fact: i wrote + edited half of this in mid june and then abandoned it till now! xoxoxox
> 
> key:  
> psy men - simon  
> pen knee/spongebob - penny  
> boz - baz  
> agaytha/patrick - agatha

**psy men:** i got dumbass syndrome

 **agaytha:** we been knew

 **pen knee:**  i'm glad you reached self actualization simon!

 **boz:** and what about it?

 **psy men:** ur all HOES 

 **agaytha:** @ god can i get a girlfriend??? CAN I PLEASE GET A GF??

 **pen knee:** he didnt get his waffle soo....

 **agaytha:** can u let me have one thing :/

 **pen knee:** god said no

 **agaytha:** thts not fair

 **psy men:** all is fair in love and piss

 **boz:** you almost got it just missed the mark a bit

 **psy men:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **psy men:** poll: r breakfast burritos good y/n

 **boz:** yes

 **psy men:** marry me

 **pen knee:** yes

 **boz:** okay

 **psy men:** wait no im too young i take it bck

 **boz:** wow 

 **agaytha:** well now i dont want to say my opinion 

 **psy men:** is it no

 **agaytha:** yes

 **psy men:** so its yes?

 **agaytha:** no 

 **agaytha:** i meant yes to no

 **psy men:** wha t

 **psy men:** is ur vote a no

 **agaytha:** yes

 **psy men:** oh ok

 **psy men:** why didnt u say that b4

 **agaytha:** i did

 **boz:** my head hurts stop it

 **psy men:** u stop

 **pen knee:** we should all stop

 **pen knee:** wait thats dying nvm

 **agaytha:** my life is over bitches

 **agaytha:** cowboy emoji

 **boz:** dramatic but why

 **agaytha:** ok mr. i invented drama + bc im.. replaying mm

 **psy men:** aggie hunny..

 **psy men:** its been like. 2 yrs why

 **agaytha:** ITS A GOOD GAME FUCK OFF

 **boz:** isnt that the korean dating app thingy game

 **agaytha:** .,.,.......,.

 **psy men:** ya

 **pen knee:** agatha, this may shock you, but you're a lesbian?

 **agaytha:** im a lesbian who loves mm + yoosung

 **agaytha:** [trixie from fairly odd parents voice] TELL ME IM VALID

 **psy men:** .......ur valid or whatevr

 **psy men:** ok but jumin has $$ y r u on Thst route,,,,,

 **agaytha:** umm the bad ending thats like a bdsm film or the perf boy in the anime universe. pick ur fighter

 **boz:** i hate this convo

 **pen knee:** same 

 **psy men:** bdsm vs being compared 2 his dead cousin romantically GO

 **boz:** sigh penny and i continue to suffer

 **pen knee:** another loss for the gays

 **agaytha:** SHUT UP ! STO[P TALKING TO ME! U R BLOCKED FROM MY LIFE

 **psy men:** lets set our differences aside and realize u always go w zens route :)

 **agaytha:** fine

 **boz:** is this over

 **psy men:** yes

 **boz:** cool that was terrible

 **agaytha:** i am UNLOVED in this chat

 **pen knee:** and i feel unloved in this chilis tonight

 **psy men:** aggie has small dick energy

 **boz:** oh my fucking god

 **agaytha:** What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

_[pen knee removed agaytha]_

**pen knee:** god speed

 **boz:** god speed

 **psy men:** hve yall seen that vine jepordyn thing'

 **pen knee:** YES I LOVE IT

 **boz:** no send me it

 **psy men:** Hold ON

 **psy men:** i will send it on one (1) condition

 **boz:** ??

 **psy men:** u come over n play it w me :)

 **boz:** okay

 **psy men:** SCORE

* * *

 **patrick:** PENELOPE! BUNCE!

 **spongebob:** what

 **patrick:** u removed me :(

 **spongebob:** golly gee would you look at the time

 **patrick:** Add Me Back Coward

 **spongebob:** i would but i have no fingers

 **patrick:** how r u typing

 **spongebob:** voice text

 **patrick:** its my birth month u cant do this

 **spongebob:** its not even july nice try tho

 **patrick:** sis... penny.... babie... u r dumb

 **patrick:** its july 9th.....

 **spongebob:** what??????????????????

 **patrick:** LMFAOOOOO 

 **spongebob:** ill add you back bc i cant believe its july

 **patrick:** xoxo

* * *

 **pen knee:** its JULY?

 **boz:** yes july starts after june each year why are you shocked

 **pen knee:** june has 31 days

 **boz:** it has 30

 **psy men:** its got at least 5 days

 **boz:** i mean you arent wrong

 **pen knee:** oh fuck i forgot to add aggie back before i sent that

_[pen knee added agaytha]_

**psy men:** welcome back ugly

 **agaytha:** this is twink on twink crime 

 **boz:** lmfaooooooo

 **psy men:** u ATE my fuckin bagel 

 **agaytha:** THAT WAS 5 DAYS AGO

 **psy men:** buy me 5 bagels

 **agaytha:** with what monies

 **psy men:** [GIMME UR FUCKIN MANEY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4asxm6susvA)

 **boz:** olivia benson is on her way to put you in jail now 

 **agaytha:** omjfdingj ill buy u a pack of bagels stfu

 **psy men:** aww aggie i love u

 **boz:** ok but i'm dramatic

 **pen knee:** baz you made us dramatic

 **boz:** incorrect and i refuse to entertain the idea

 **psy men:** drama king

 **agaytha:** u ever realize u never know if ppl spit in ur drinks

 **pen knee:** no... you would notice that?

 **agaytha:** no @ restaurants

 **boz:** why would they spit in your drink

 **agaytha:** maybe they think im a bitch or smth

 **psy men:** spitty drinjks... yum

 **agaytha:** No

 **psy men:** southern hospitality

 **agaytha:** No

 **psy men:** yes?

 **agaytha:** this is Blasphemy 

 **pen knee:** the ppl in the south would do that

 **boz:** i saw a pic on ig of some people holding balloons that spelled out congrats and thought it said go mcats

 **psy men:** GO MCATS!

 **agaytha:** wig

 **pen knee:** hey snowbaz aggie and i are crashing your date

 **agaytha:** we are??????

 **pen knee:** yes

 **agaytha:** the devil works hard but penny works harder!

 **psy men:** go away 

 **boz:** okay

 **psy men:** NOT U 

 **agaytha:** JDHEWFJE

 **boz:** oh 

 **pen knee:** baz is dumbass passing

 **agaytha:** arent we all

 **psy men:** its true but u shiuldnt say it

 **boz:** [That Is Not Correct Because According To The Encyclopedia Of Gbnkjdsbfkjdsfbnk;](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk6jVl1fAn0)

 **agaytha:** FUCKJ

 **agaytha:** I LOVE THAT VINR

 **psy men:** [I WANNA B A COWWWBOYYYY BABIE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feMwFuihX2o)

 **pen knee:** can we watch svu @ bazs

 **agaytha:** THESE ARE THEIR STORIES

 **boz:** dun dun 

 **psy men:** yes BUT were also marathoning spy kids

 **psy men:** want 2 see those sexy thumb ppl

 **boz:** ......... i'm not even going to say anything to that second part

 **agaytha:** thats ur man baz. u must accept him

 **pen knee:** NO sharkboy and lava girl instead

 **psy men:** y

 **pen knee:** the lullaby taylor launter sings is dope

 **agaytha:** d o p e 

 **agaytha:** whoa sorry dude didnt mean to flex on you like that  

 **boz:** 420 haaa bruh i got you so good

 **psy men:** you know i had to do it em 

 **boz:** no homo tho lol

 **pen knee:** STOP OPPRESSING ME FOR MY LINGO

 **agaytha:** NDJNFJDKFBNFJ

 **agaytha:** penny do u love me? r u riding? say youll never leave from beside cuz i want ya n i need ya 

 **boz:** Quit That Or I'll Spray You With The Hose

 **psy men:** the hoe gets the hose

 **pen knee:** change of plans were killing aggie when we get to bazs

 **agaytha:**  finally.. thought this day would never come ;,)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was going to abandon this bc ive been living my worst life but i miss yall....... so here u go mwah lvoe u 
> 
> i say this in every end note but sorry 4 taking 2 months to update! will probably happen again so dnsjfnsion
> 
> comments n kudos r very valued in this home <3333333


End file.
